A Shout-out to 3 friends I never met!

So, my latest album is in my mother tongue - "Marathi". I feel so proud of the fact just as I am typing this. :)

The previews coming soon at http://sailee-raje.com/

The Marathi album most likely will be named "Kshan Ek Bhalanyacha..." which means " A moment of Allure...". It's a beautiful and exquisite collection of songs full of Romance and Rain. Most of the songs are the poems my mother wrote long time back. This album was my surprise gift to her. One of the poems "Re Sajana" is by me.

But this post is not about me, but the 3 friends I never met!

There are also 3 other charming poems that were either sent to me as email forwards or found during my random search on the internet.

1. Tuzyatali Mi (Tuzya Saavalit ..)

2. Mi Harapale Re

3. Chimb Chimb Pavasane

Poems were great, neatly typed in Marathi .. the only thing missing was the name of the Poet, their creator! I have been searching for those, but haven't had any luck yet! :(

This blog is a call-out to these 3 poets who unknowingly contributed to the making of this lovely album. I would love to meet them. For me, they are my buddies already! It will be a pleasure to also add a credit to them in the album in the future reprints of the CD... Only if could I know who they are!!

If anybody can help me trace these folks, I would be truly grateful!!

So, I finally recorded my first two albums!

Yes, I was nervous every time I stood in the studio with headphones on, waiting for the music to start! Before each song, I prayed and asked God to be with me and to reside my throat. Then I visualized the entire song, and told myself to live it! For some songs I even danced in the studio during the connecting music pieces, just to get into the mood. (well, that's a secret :) ) Once the song started, the nervousness vanished on it's own.

Our music director, Pdt G S Chandra has been very satisfied with my performance in these 2 albums, although I feel I could still do a better job in couple of songs.. esp. "Main to Painyan" song. People are loving it, but I am my best critic and every time I listen to myself, I feel I could do better. Maybe that's how I'll improve.

Overall, I loved the whole experience. We were at the studio for 5 days from morning till late night, life was only about music, and how I wish it stays that way! ( oh..  I even lost a few pounds unknowingly)

I am working on putting together a quick website, where I can upload some sample tracks for you to get sneak previews of my songs before the CDs are released.

Here are a couple of pictures from last week. Both are taken in the backyard of our studio place. On first day, we did a small Pooja before we started with our venture. First pic is about that. The second one is my picture with our music director, Pdt. G S Chandra.

A Bold Step into the Musical World ..

It's been SUCH a LONG time, since I wrote my last blog .. I know! And I want to say sorry to those who look forward to reading my blogs. I really am!

During all this time, life took some beautiful twists .. so many to talk about! .. But today i want to share with you the most amazing thing that happened to me!

I finally found what I was looking for all these years..  my ultimate passion, my deepest craving,  my soul! ..

  MUSIC!!!

I had started singing as a kid .. I loved it, but at that time it was more like a study project. Then I went and tried bunch of other things... dancing, painting, poetry, sports, and more and more .. and oh! how can I forget my bread - hardware engineering! 

But finally I realized I have only traced the circle to land back on music! Music it is!!

If you asked me where I will be after 30 years.. I don't know!! But I know for sure that I'll still  be singing!! Singing my every vein out!!

I am just about to take a bold step in my musical world!

The recording of my first 2 music albums starts day after tomorrow!!

And I cannot tell you what it means to me.. if this is a dream, I do not want to wake up!

And at such an important milestone, how is it even possible to not remember you all?  

Today, my heart cries out for your love. 

I want to touch your hearts with my music... shower  you with the most precious gift I got!

Will you let me?

Will you sprinkle your affection, blessings and wishes around me?

Will you be on my side as friends, and as critics?

Will you? .........

Prayer a day...

Mamma: "Did you do Pooja (Prayers) this morning?"
Me: "Umm... no I didn't get time. umm.. I had to rush to catch my train!"
OR
" Umm .. no, not today, but I lit a diya on Saturday!"
OR
" oh.. yes, I have been doing it. Just didn't find to do it this week because ....!"

This is one of the typical conversations between Mamma and me when she calls me. She always asks me to pray every morning. And I keep saying .. "OK.. tomorrow onwards ... maybe ..I'll start "
The truth is I haven't done pooja in months!! I just don't feel enough drive for it.

Why do I have to explicitly sing the words of praise to God when I am grateful to him in my heart?
I thank him time to time for being there for me. I trust in him and know that no matter how lonely I might get, he'll always be there with me. I truly believe everything happens for good!

Doesn't God know that already?
Why do few verses in Sanskrit (that I don't always understand) are considered more meaningful than what I really mean at my heart?
I may not join my hands, offer flowers, lit diyas everyday in front God Idol. But does that mean that the feelings of gratuity, faith and thankfulness in my heart weaker than someone who does?

Mamma said, "Things always need to be expressed. If you love a person, it's not enough to just know it. he'd never feel it unless you show it. This is something like that.
It's not enough to just say you are smart. You actually have to score to prove that you are smart. This is something like that. Physical actions do matter."

I listened... but wasn't quite satisfied with that answer. Even though I accept that fact that I have to act physically to convey my prayers to God, I don't feel that performing the pooja mechanically at a specific time in the morning would be the right way to express my love to God.
At least not the right way for me!
I want to say it only when I mean it! .. I dont want to do something like a daily chore. That's not me, if I start doing that!

I spent 3 days thinking over it.

When do I want to pray? ..
When I feel closest to God!
When do I feel closest to God? ... and How do I want to pray?

Prayers to me is to be thankful when I go to bed happy!
Prayers to me is to look at the skies above and feel one with them!
Prayers to me is to remember God in good times and not just in bad ones!
Prayers to me is making the best of what God gave me!
Prayers to me is living every moment!
Prayers to me is an honest unselfish advice!
Prayers to me is to help someone in need!
Prayers to me is a kind act!

and that's where I got my answer!
Answers actually lie within us! and It's so awesome to find them!

One kind act a day!
That will be my real prayer!
Yes, I have found my prayer!

Kiss at the mall

My ice-skating class is right next to the Valco mall. After the class, sometimes I go for a walk in the mall. It makes me forget the body-pain that I get from falling at the ice-rink. :)
It’s a fun walk... I love hopping from store to store, trying on different stuff. Observing people around, is something I love even more! What I don’t like is that I always end up buying something I don’t really need!

Yesterday was one such day. I stood outside the mall, made a resolution that I won’t buy anything . Then I stepped in. Luckily, I didn’t even find anything interesting that would tempt me to break my resolution. But I still kept walking.

It was about 40 minutes later, that I suddenly heard a voice from behind... “Hi!!!”
I turned around to find a girl holding hand of a woman. We had never met before. The pair didnt look like mother and daughter to me... maybe they were relatives. The girl wore a shabby red T-shirt and jeans. She was skinny, with her hair braded and wore thick glasses… too thick for her age.
Anyone could tell that she was a special child. She looked about 8 years old but her mental age could be around 2-3 years. Since I did not recognize her, I looked at the lady for some help. She simply stood there silent; I figured I am not going to get any help from her there. There were a few other people around and it was kind of awkward situation for everybody.

“Hi!!!!” the girl said again, looking straight into my eyes. I looked at the lady again. She turned away as if she was embarrassed because of the child. For one moment I thought of simply walking away, but something made me stay there.

I looked at the girl... she was smiling as if she was very happy to see me. I shook all my thoughts away, smiled and said “Hi…”
“What is your name?” she asked.
“My name is Saylee... and what is yours?”
“Roshni!”
“Roshni! It’s a nice name!”

Then for a couple of moments we just kept smiling at each other.

Then she suddenly said “Ok... bye bye!” .. still smiling.
“Bye!” I said.
I was about to leave when she said “Kiss?”
All this was going at a very fast pace for me to comprehend. But I could feel the love in it.
She opened her arms wide, with assurance in her eyes that she will definitely get a kiss!

The lady now had turned her back completely as if she didn’t know what was her happening behind her. And I didn’t care if there was anybody else looking at us.

I took a step closer to her and she gave me a kiss and a hug. She was very happy and so was I. I felt so touched by that child in just a few seconds! She asked me my name and that was all she needed to know to feel like we've always known eachother!

I waived my hands to say god bye and started walking. It was lovely!! I suddenly found that mall much more beautiful, more cheerful and filled with love and happiness. I felt good about me.

I didn’t buy anything that day, I walked for some more time and then returned home. On my drive back I kept thinking about the girl... what a loving heart she had!
A heart that could love strangers!
Because of her mental condition and appearance, I am sure that she must have been laughed upon and neglected. But she still had immense love for the world in her heart. I could see it in her eyes.

May I also be blessed with such a loving heart…

Anyone can love their own family and close ones. I don’t call that a loving heart though.
A loving heart is a heart that can love strangers…
A loving heart is when you don’t get irritated by a slow driver in front of you thinking that he could be a new driver.
A loving heart is when you take time to see if the ugly old lady in the handicapped chair at the checkout queue needs help, just the way you do to admire and smile at the irresistibly cute baby in the same queue.
A loving heart is a heart that can love someone that can do absolutely nothing for you...
And it’s hard …

The little special child taught me a lesson of love all over again...
Through a kiss at the mall..

Why are you on the train?

You wake up from your sleep and realize that you are on a train. You don’t know how you got on the train and why. You have no idea where the train is going.
Wouldn't that fill you with questions and questions and questions? Wouldn't you wonder where the train is taking you? Wouldn't you wonder why are you on this train?
Of course you will!
You won’t be able to relax until you find the reason why you are on the train.

Our life is that train. All of us have been sent on that train for a reason. You are expected to wonder and dig for the purpose of you being there. But most of us get so distracted with fighting for a window seat, finding the right company, upgrading the seat to first class, that nobody even cares to find out the real reason why they are on the train in the first place!

Isn't that funny how we let our minds be occupied by such things so much that we forget to wonder why we are born?

Ever wondered what is the purpose of your life?

We live our everyday routines, make money, raise kids, retire… But ever wondered what is it that you are really here in the world for?
Or do you even believe that your life might have a purpose?

Do I know the purpose of my life? Well, not really!....
I have wondered about this ever since I was a kid and I always felt that there is a reason to why I was born. I believe that it will occur to me some day...

Of course there are a few people who know exactly what they are here for. And they inspire me deeply!
Not only the famous people like Mother Teresa or Mahatma Gandhi but even the ordinary people that I come across in my life. Wait…. if someone knows the purpose of their life, they are not ordinary anymore!

Ever taken some time out from your monthly bills and groceries and paychecks to wonder about the reason for your existence?
Even if you succeed in achieving the first-class seat, you have to remember that you have to get off that train at some point. You cannot carry your luxuries with you when you get off..
All you can carry is the satisfaction of really giving your best towards the reason why you got on the train….

( My inspiration to scribble this blog is Sam who believes that he is born to make people laugh and Penny who lives for Koko. )

A secret..

They see me laughing, jumping, dancing and singing and wonder what's the secret!
They want to be me sometimes, to feel the joy overflowing!
Some say it's mere luck!
Some say it's freedom!
Some say it's independence!
Some just keep wondering.....

Well, heres' a lil something about me that they might not know..

This is a picture of a night that's very easy to find in my life, every once in a while ....
I am sitting here in my apartment...
on my sofa with my laptop ...
all alone....
at 2:00 AM in a dry cold night..
The next time I hear any voice will only be when I get to the office tomorrow...
a sleepy dim light spread in the room..
sitting next to me, are tons of indifferent mails and arid credit card bills...
a slow gazal playing without even caring why it is being played..
I am wondering about something like ... "what is it that I really want"....
my eyes are red and paining, but I still won't sleep...
and ofcourse, I have nobody around to force me to sleep..
It's so quiet that I dont like it when refrigerator shuts off once in a while..
I am thirsty but the empty cup of water on the center table will sit there with a grin on its edge....
I look around .. all the furniture and all the walls stand still..
I look at all the pictures on the walls and the decorations that I did with my own hands...
they sit dead, as if they dont care whether they are on the wall or in the box ....
The only things moving are my eyes, and the feelings hidden behind them..
Flocks of thoughts with a few memories stapled to them start gushing into my mind, only to make it tougher and tougher for me to breathe..
I wish ... if only someone could call me right at this moment, from India, and tell me how bright the day is over there....
I recall the faces that make me happy and suddenly realize that it's going to be a while before I get to see them....

Slowly, I feel like I cannot see anymore...
Oh! Is that a silly water drop in my eyes?

?

But I know that it will never fall down as a tear..
It's gonna turn into a sparkle instead...
I take a deeeeep breath!
strech my arms as wide as I can, get up, and smile!
Drink a glassful of water!
I start watering the plants in the living room since they might be thirsty too!
while pouring water, I look out of the window....
and the empty streets say that they're waiting for tomorrow because that's when I'll drive through them!!
I smile again...
I go out in the patio and pour seeds in my bird-feeder, so that there are lots of birds coming to wake me up in the morning..
It's cold. So with joy, I run inside the house..
I hear a few happy whispers.. I look around. All my pictures, flowers and decorations say, "We really do like it here, to be a part of your home!"
It feels so wonderful that I must close my eyes...

Yes!
Tomorrow is gonna be the happiest day ever! :)

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Some say it's mere luck!
Some say it's freedom!
Some say it's independence!
Some just keep wondering.....

I say,
it's seeing what you really want to see!
it's hearing what you really want to hear!
it's feeling what you really want to feel!
and it's being what you really want to be!

:)

I was getting kinda bored today after lunch.. But then I came across this pic, and it made me alive back again!

Live your life like a story....

"Once upon a time there was a ....."
And your favorite story begins!
The story is touching .. full of adventure, full of passion, full of excitement and love. You just love the hero of the story, for what he is!
No one is a born hero. What makes him a hero is all the things that he does which ordinary people don't. That's what makes him stand out. And that's why you like him so much.

I believe that our life is a story....
And everyone has a story of their own.
You are the main character of your story. So, anybody who reads this story, is going to look up to you as a hero.

So, at every point of life, when you cannot decide what to do, imagine how you would like a hero in a story to behave if he were in the same situation.
Thats because sometimes we expect the heroes to be doing right things, but when it comes to us, we forget what is right and behave only towards our own benefit. Its easy to say "why do I have to be good everytime? I am not a hero!" But you forget that YOU are the hero of your own story.

Sometimes, being ethically wrong could be beneficial to you at that moment. But after 20 years, when you look back at the story of your life, you won't be able to be proud of yourself for what you did.
Because at that time, you realize that inspite of having an opportunity to be a star of your own life story, you just lived like an ordinary person. Your story might have brought you diamonds, but for the audience, it's just as boring as it could be!

When we listen to a story, does it matter whether the hero of the story is rich or poor?
No! that has nothing to do with why we like him. We like him, for the person he is!
Ofcourse we become happy if he becomes rich at the end. But the reason why we are happy for him, is because you loved him throughout the story. And the reason why you loved him through the story is because he always did what was right.
He lived like a hero!

Happiness is true happiness only when everyone else is happy for you. If you're happy, but someone out there is suffering because of that (directly or indirectly), you should rather think before you celebrate. You're playing an evil person not only in their story, but also your own. Heroes never make anybody cry while they achieve what they want.

It might not be always easy to do what a hero would do in your situation. But this exercise would atleast make us aware if are doing anything wrong. Sometimes, we are so much into ourselves that we dont even realize that what we are doing could be wrong. Sometimes we just neglect it.

Our story is in our hands and we should live it like a story to be told!
Live it such a way that the listener likes you and looks up to you.
So, wear the smile, and start living the life again as if it were a story...

A challanging exercise to be completely random..

Why do we have global warming? And that too, when I am wearing yellow colored shorts?
This would have never happened if you had run a spell-check in the first place. Because the harder you hit, the bigger is your wife's nose. Anyways, as long as you hide into the closet, the shares will keep holding their value . I am saying this only because I dont want the politicians in this country to let their pets calculate my weight. Didn't you see that on cartoon network?
Ok, let’s not panic and try to find a way out.

As far as I know, the man must have finished eating his omelette already. So, all we can do is divide X by Y. And why do you think she is spying on you? There is no way that can happen because the vending machines are out of change. Moreover they allow only one pet in the apartment so your shoes can be untied any time you want.

So, tell me - are you ready to sue him? It’s just a matter of changing your hairstyle. Your favorite shirt can still be dipped in salsa. Winking at a lizard isnt that hard afterall! If you can do that, I’ll go ahead and get married tomorrow. It’s been a long time since I got oil change done on my car anyways. Oh my god, what a pleasure it was! I kept pressing the 'start' button! That was THE moment because Jack finished doing his laundary and a red ant came crawling on my forehead. That’s why I always tell people, save your data every 15 minutes!
Otherwise why do you think I ordered from the breakfast menu? Isn’t the pain I get from my dentist enough? In spite of changing all the tires, we still think that humans are evolved from potatoes.

You know, this is why you get those dreams about the quadratic equations. Believe me, the only thing that can save you now is Popcorn! And, if you try jumping at every 13th step, all the cans will get recycled.
People change with time man! And I thought the cop told you about it when you barked at the balloon! If you still have a doubt about it, just give me a quarter and I’ll ask her to brush teeth on Highway 101. Being atheist is one thing, running out of toilet paper is another. So, just believe in parallel parking and all your aunts will solve puzzles.

Before leaving, I just want you to know how painful it is to see you bent in 49 degree angle, and always keep in mind that Bob is actually a female!

Nursery Rhymes: Are they for kids?

Ever noticed that most of the nursery rhymes have destructive endings?
Lot of them talk about falling, beating, breaking, and I wonder why!
How might the mind of an innocent kid be interpreting them?

Humpty Dumpty falls and breaks!
Jack and Jill go up the hill, and both fall down.
London Bridge falls down.
Hush-a-bye-baby/ rock-a-bye-baby: the cradle and the baby fall down from the tree.
Doctor Foster falls into the muddy puddle.
In Oranges and Lemons, you chop off the man's head!
Three blind mice: the farmer's wife cuts their tails with a carving knife??
A spider comes and frightens Miss Muffet away!

And the worst... Mary Mary quite contrary!
This rhyme actually talks about the ways of torture Mary Tudor (daughter of Henry VIII) used to punish the Protestants. It’s too evil for my fingers to type, so refer to this link. http://www.rhymes.org.uk/mary_mary_quite_contrary.htm

These rhymes are made for the kids to sing, but they sound like they have been created by older people to let their own worries out, having hardly anything to do with kids!
They don't fit into the kid's world!

"Rain rain go away, come again another day": It’s always the older people who crib about rain, not kids! I always begged my mom to let me play in the rain.
"Rain, rain, go to Spain, Never show your face again!” What does a kid have to do with the rivalry between England and Spain? Why are they even being taught such things?

As a kid I always liked the stories with happy endings. In fact, if the story did not have a happy ending, I never felt that it was a story!
I always felt that grandma didn’t know the remaining half of the story, so she shouldn't have picked that story in the first place. It always left me with so many questions!.. What might have happened next?, why did they do that?, why are they like that?, who'll punish them?....
And nobody would give me answers! They would say "will tell you later, go and do your homework for now."
I hated to be in that kind of situation!

You don’t know what these rhymes might be molding the way kids think!
Or how they've molded our thoughts and perspectives to contribute to what we are today!

Let me get it on my own!

Please don't lift me to the skies.... Give me the wings to reach there!
Please don't take me to the light... Turn me into a candle if you can!
I am not asking for Victory .. Give me a sword to fight!
I dont want big concerts.. Teach me the notes to knit my song!
Please don't give me the shade, give me a seed that I can sow to make a tree!
Please dont get me the rainbows, give me the colors to paint my own!
I am not asking for happiness and love... Make me strong to smile through the pain!
I know you can bistow it all .. But give me the courage to get it on my own!

Keys on the keyboard

Everyone asks me why I like the "Enter" key on the keyboard!
Well, here is an effort to explain!

Imagine all these keys on the keyboard were people!
What would their personalities be like?... What would you hear them saying more often?

Enter Key: "Just Do it!!!" (And that's why its my favorite)

Caps Lock: "SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!!!"

Esc key: "Oh my God! I messed it up! Just get me outta here!"

Ins Key: This one is Kabab me Haddi! Someone who likes poke their nose into the others matters!

Del key: Its the Janitor in the group who doesnt care what's there in the trash. All it knows is to throw it away.

Shift key: This one is like a parent. helping the kids to grow big (s -> S) or helping them turn into what they want to be! ( 8 -> * ) or (4 -> $)
As if it's saying " Common pumpkin, you can do it! Let me help you getting there!"

Alt: Lazy nerdy fella! .. you dont use it much but when you use it, most of the times it works with all the other nerdy keys like F4 and F1. And we hardly know any of those shortCuts! Only the nerdy ones know!

Ctrl key: This is the Chupa Rustum!.. It doesnt print anything when pressed, but has a lot going on in there!.ctrl-X, ctrl-V, ctrl -C ..... he does everyhting behind the back! You only see when things happen!

Back Space: This one is the coward fellow, who never prints anything of its own. But discourages others too and makes them withdraw!

Home key: These people are just too lazy to do anything. They just wanna leave from where they are and go home and relax watching the TV.

End Key: These people have no patience. They just want to see whats at the end, without reading the whole story, or without watching the whole movie.
......................................................................

Well, this is just how I see them!
Others might see them differently!

Let me know what you think those keys are saying.. feel free to add on!

Sailee...

"Sailee" is a name of a flower in my mother-tongue Marathi.

Mamma once said that she always wanted her Sailee to be just like the flower of "Sailee" .... Radiant, Fragrant, Beautiful, Innocent, Pure and Divine!

Sometimes I wonder whether I am doing justice to my name!
I wonder whether I am doing justice to mamma's dreams when she gave me that name!
I wonder...

HOW COULD I BE SO SELFISH?

Sometimes when I look around, I can feel how blessed I am!

There are people who cannot see; I can enjoy the sparkling city lights from my window!
There are people who cannot hear; I can choose what music to play on my way to work!
There are people who cannot walk; I can dance my heart out!
There are people who have to walk miles and miles for water to drink; I can sing in the shower for hours!
There are people who die of hunger; I can choose between Thai, Italian, Mexican, Indian, and Chinese for every meal!
There are women who are abused, beaten, raped and humiliated every day; I have been brought up like a dew-drop on the palm by my parents!
There are kids who cannot go to school because they have to work to survive; I can choose which laptop I want to buy next!

What have I done to get all this?
What have I done to be so lucky?

Nothing!

And after all that, if I ask for even more to be happy, wouldn’t that be ungrateful, greedy and selfish?
It’s like being a King of the whole world and still asking for one more acre of land in order to be happy!

Whom do I thank for all I have got?
How often do I actually thank him?
Do I even thank him???

Is just thanking him for all these favors enough?
May be not!
Of course its not!
I just cannot be taking all these things for granted and not wonder why I have been given those!?
I need to repay it all back! I need to find a way to return all these favors.
But how do I do that?

Maybe it can only be done by doing good!
Being good!
Helping those who need me!

Maybe the “Good” has been sent my way, not to be owned by me; but to be spread around!
Maybe I am just a medium to spread the good that has been sent to me!

So.. here is the whole scenario as I look at it!
What was I supposed to do, and what am I actually doing???
I am asking for more for myself , when I am actually supposed to use what have been given to put smile on someone’s face!
What the hell am I doing?
Am I crazy?

How could I be so selfish???

Things I Hate...

Eating meals alone ...
Bird Cages
Gossiping
Milk
Restroom queues
Visiting Doctor
Excuses
"Forward this or You'll die" Emails
Wake-up Alarms
Injustice
False Flattery
Seeing my parents sad
People touching my Nose
Dead Ends
A week after horror movie (esp the bathroom visits in the night)
I don't want to think of the things I hate anymore....

Some things I am fond of ....

Pillow fights
First joke in a serious conversation
Baby’s hands
The star closest to the moon
The last 5 minutes of a game
The first bite of pizza
My Grandmother's innocence
The “Enter” key on the keyboard
Mamma’s wedding saari
The sketches of the teachers on last page of a notebook
Long long drives
Giving surprises
Puppies sleeping over each other
bird's wings..
Ripples in water
Window Seat
Everything I can see at the horizons
Places where sound echoes
Going high up on the swings
moments after forgiving someone
Kites and Gas Balloons
Playing with kids...
Feeding birds..
A hand-written letter in the mail box.....
And more ...................