Dear Ajji ..

Ajji, (Grandma)
Is there anything I can do to be able to hug you just one more time?
I never really told you how much I loved you..

When I was busy running around in the house, I could see you watching me from the corner of my eye.. perhaps you wanted me to stop for a little while and sit by you.. tell you sweet little things from my world..
I know it wasn't a whole lot that you wanted..
then why didn't I give it?

When I came back home late with lots of colorful shopping bags in my hand, I could see you waiting for me at the door.. perhaps you wanted me to show you all those things one by one, and ask you to choose what looked best on me..
I know it wasn't a whole lot that you wanted..
then why didn't I give it?

When I came to India just for 3 weeks in a year, you would come and stay with us in our house.. perhaps you wished I could reserve at least a one whole day, just for you ...
I know it wasn't a whole lot that you wanted..
then why didn't I give it?

I still loved you Ajji! .. a lot!
Will you tell me once, that you knew it already?

Did I take you for granted?
I never imagined the possibility of the day when you'll go away.. vanish from my world, just like that!
I thought I can sleep resting my head on your lap, any time I wanted.. all my life!
I never knew that there's only so much of you, that I can have in my life..

I am writing this, hoping you will read it some day.. somehow..
and then kiss me on my cheeks, and say "Majhi Chhakuli!" .. like you always did..
Will you?

Majhi Ajji!My dearest Ajji!

The Ugly Duckling!

A friend sent me this message today as a response to some pictures I uploaded on facebook recently.

" Saylee,You are so beautiful. The pictures don't really
make enough justice. just a friendly praise for you :) "

I get a lot of emails from fans and friends praising me about my looks. I send a humble thank you note back with a smiley face and if these emails don't carry any other significant information or feedback, they usually end up in trash. But this particular email churned my thoughts for some reason, maybe because it was unexpected, but it made me think, took me for a ride into my past!

Have you heard the Marathi song - "एका तळ्यात होती, बदके पिले सुरेख?"

It's about this ugly little duckling which suffers abuse and gets mocked and laughed at by it's friends and neighbors. Poor soul is lonely and cries to itself in sorrow, until one fine morning, when much to it's delight and to the surprise of others, it realizes that it is actually a graceful Swan...

I feel like it's my story!

Growing up, I was always told that I was ugly!! They called me all sorts of names, made fun of me and laughed at my expense! Family, friends and even the people who had nothing to do with me....

... and I cried .. all alone, to myself.. nobody cared enough to notice..

Things changed as time passed.. How? When? I don't know! .. something unfolded on it's own!
Now, the same folks praise me .. perceive me differently.. treat me differently ... world seems like a different place to my same set of eyes..

But can I forget?

Was I really ugly then?

And am I really beautiful now?

I remember when I was a child, no matter what they said, I always believed I was beautiful! I was kind to them even when they hurt me. I helped them even when they laughed at me. There were no calculations, no revenges, no acts and no tacts! I cared.. I loved.. I cried for those who cried ..

I think I was a beautiful child! ..

How much of that purity still remains in my soul? I am not sure about now, but I sure was very very beautiful then!