Tips #1, #2, #3 for Boosting Self-Confidence

A client came to me wanting to improve her self-confidence. After our first introductory discussion, she asked me what my charges were. I do not always do this but I thoughtfully gave her a sliding scale price range and asked her to pick any rate from that range. She looked very confused and overwhelmed. Unable to make a decision, she asked me to decide a rate for her. I refused with a smile and said this is your first self-confidence lesson: When you have an opportunity to make a choice, make it!

Often in our day-to-day life we need to make a number of choices. Deciding a place to dine, choosing an outfit with your shopping buddy, ordering for two in the restaurant, deciding which movie to go to, picking a day for a meetup.. often you might have people asking you to suggest an option. A lot of times even if we have a something in mind we tend to not say it in order to be polite. We throw the ball back in their court saying "Anything is fine, really!" We think we are actually giving them the privilege of choosing by being nice and polite.What's really happening is you are not helping them in any way, just bringing them back to where they started. Now the pressure is on them to choose something for you even if you may not like it. What would really make things easier is to just choose something and move on! Then you have more time to actually have fun doing what you do than figuring out what to do. But more importantly, you get a opportunity to let your inner personality surface. You get to define yourself in front of the world. Even though these might seem like trivial decisions, practicing taking a stand whenever you can that resonates with you makes you comfortable with your own choices; And that is the key step towards being confident: being comfortable with yourself. So when you have an opportunity to make a choice, make it! Don't worry about if others will agree with it or not. When they ask you for your input, they expect a reply. Replying is a nicer thing to do than throwing the question back at them. Even if you don't have a particular choice in mind, think a little and come up with something. Be assertive. Be yourself. Make a choice that shows who you are!

Look people in the eye! Imagine you are walking down the hallway and someone is walking towards you from the opposite side. You have noticed them but you still pretend to look at your cellphone or to your left or right to avoid eye contact. You only look at them with a half smile, half nod and a half hello when they come really close to you. At times, you pretend to not have noticed them at all! Does this seem familiar? Why do people do that? This happens not because you don't want to look at them, but because you don't want to look at yourself through their eyes! Would it be too friendly if I smiled at them? What if I run out words talking to them? What if I say something silly? These thoughts say nothing about them, but about you judging yourself. We think everything in this world is about us. It is not! 

On my morning walk, I noticed a scary looking man with a hoodie, walking in my direction with an uneasy walk, much like a drunk. A thought crossed my mind, Should I change my way before we cross? There was still some time for me to change my direction and go left before we crossed each other. But immediately a voice in my head said, "No, keep walking. Smile and say hello to him when you get closer to him. Face your fear in the face." I continued my walk, and when we got closer, I looked him in the eye and said hello. When I saw him closely, I figured he was not drunk. He was actually limping which made it look like he had no control over his legs. He did not look scary. There was rather a tinge of sadness in his eyes. At the same time he had a great spirit to start the day with a walk even though he limped. When I smiled at him, he was a little awkward, as if I was doing something out of the ordinary. But hey, all the morning walkers smile at each other. Why is he feeling I am doing something different? .. Maybe nobody smiles at him? may be he has seen enough people changing their way before passing by him? maybe he is going through a lot in his life? Who knows! In that brief moment, I appreciated everything about him. Even though he limped, he had eyes that carried a thousand emotions. He had a story I did not really know, but whatever it was, it sure was much beautiful than the initial story I was about to tell myself which went somewhat like... he was coming towards me to mug me or say something rude. When we avoid eye contact with people, we are judging them and/or ourselves, creating a story in our mind that is often far from the truth. It is much beautiful and real when we look people in the eye with curiosity, free of any judgments.

Just when I decided to look at him for who he is, I realized it is not all about myself. When we are low in confidence, we think everything is about us and world is waiting to get back at us, attack us or laugh at us when we make a mistake. That is so not the case. Remind yourself, “Everything is not about me!” It is about them too and more importantly, about you and them together. When you are with people, look at them for who they are. Appreciate what’s wonderful about them. Do not keep looking back at yourself through their eyes. Because, first, you cannot do it anyway. What you imagine they are thinking about you and what they are really thinking can be far apart. They may not even be thinking anything of you. Second, does it really matter what they think of you? Why are you letting that matter to you? Would you change yourself for every person you meet or rather just be who you are and love yourself for that?

So here are my first 3 tips for improving self confidence:
1. When you have an opportunity to make a choice, make it!
2. Look people in the eye. (with curiosity and no judgments)
3. Remind yourself “Everything is not about me!” (expand your horizons to include others, move the attention from yourself to others to appreciate the good in them)

More tips to come.. Stay tuned..

Knowing vs. Being

We all know! Yet, it seems so hard to be!

How strange is that!

We all know that exercise, healthy food, meditation, mindfulness is good for us, living in alignment with our values and integrity bring us peace and keeping calm in the stressful situations gives us better control of the situation and so on. But still, often we give up when it is time to actually act, to actually be! How strange is that!

I met a gentleman yesterday who has been in spiritual practice for more than 15 years, has read a lot of books and seen a lot of seminars on how to live a positive life. During our long discussion he referred to many authors, speakers, books and other references asking me if I knew about them. 

"Have you heard about this concept about positive affirmations?", "Do you know this author?", "Have you listened to this incredible guy/lady?" .....

 Honestly, most of the times I had no clue about these people or the names they gave to these practices. But I already knew all the principles they all were trying to teach! Every time he spoke about a concept, I knew it already (minus its official name he referred to) because I figured I was actually practicing it in my life. I was living it! He was surprised to see how much I knew without being exposed to all this information out there. He was curious to know if I got it from my parents or some organization or if I followed any guru. I said "No, I don't really follow one particular person or organization that has taught me all this. I just follow my instinct. I know it because it came to me. When you really want to live your life in a particular manner, universe offers all the resources you need to get there!"

In my personal opinion you do not need to study a whole lot of things in order to integrate the right things into your life. It is not necessary to read a hundred books or listen to a hundred speeches to know what is right for us. We already know! The truth is and has always been inside of us. The incredible speakers, the gurus and the books are just another medium to make us aware of it all over again. If you are not willing from within to bring a change, it won't matter how much information you read. Whatever you thought you learned will wear off in short time. However, if you truly desire something from your heart, things automatically happen for you.. knowledge comes to you.. you find the right things because you look for right things! 

The most important thing is,  to "want" to be. The link between knowing and being is "wanting". It is only when you want to be, that you actually can be! Knowing won't do anything unless you accept it with all your mind and body. We are like cups. If the cup is upside down, it won't be able to contain anything no matter how much water you pour on it. On the other hand, when it is sitting upright the way it supposed to be it will fill quickly. 

How many of us like/share/appreciate all the beautiful quotes we come across? We appreciate the wisdom in them because it connects with our core. But soon after that we forget about it. We "choose" to forget about it. It is because we fail to really "want" to invite it into our life. 

Pick 5 quotes that you truly connect with and work on truly making them a part of your life. Live them! Be them! Start with one. Just living one principle will be enough to transform your life! Try it!

Open yourself to solutions instead of focusing on problems. You always find what you look for! If you want anything in your life to change, you should first truly "want" that change! That will guide you to BE that change. 

How to handle negative news?

Most news these days makes me sad. Almost every day, I read at least one piece of news that bothers me, hurts me and even draws me to tears. I feel blue and helpless. It doesn't solve the problem, but only adds to my stress. After a lot of pondering over this, I figured avoiding the news is not the right way. "Ignorance may be bliss, but it is not the solution! Solutions are born through awareness followed by actions." 

It is easy to blame others/society/government/circumstances one moment and then leave and go back to our lives the next. Blame only creates more negative energy. We need to transform that negative energy into positive... Positive thoughts, Positive Intentions, Positive ideas and Positive Actions! That's where the power is! That's where the change is!

So every time something bothers you, Do NOT ignore or just feel sorry! Think of one thing you can do to make difference there. What baby step can YOU take on your part about that issue? It could be a step as simple as sharing to raise awareness, or writing an email/blog/letter, making a phone call or donating a dollar. But DO this exercise "Every time"! 

Helen Keller said, "I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do."
Every time you feel something is not right, take a moment to pause and think,"What's the one thing that I can do about it?". And there's is always something that you can do! When I feel down due to something I just learned, this is the most powerful remedy I have found to help me feel better. Yes, it works!

Inequality

Back in India, when I was a a little kid, I befriended a maid's daughter who was same age as mine. She was so fun! 

After a few days I was shouted at for doing that and was told that I should not be playing with the ones "inferior" to me. I was very sad to lose a friend, I couldn't digest that "logic". But being a kid, I did not have a choice. 

I couldn't look into the eyes of my friend after that. I knew she was wondering why I am not the same person anymore, but I couldn't tell her why. I felt like a criminal and victim at the same time. 

That was when I decided that I would never tell such a thing to my kids in the future.

Teacher

I have an amazing teacher in my life. She is 2 years old. yes, that's right! 2 years!
What's wonderful about her is that she isn't set out to teach me anything, but goes on offering me lesson after lesson just by being who she is. She lives the teachings I receive from her, becomes a live example. And that's how she teaches me.

Like in any relationship, occasionally there are moments of friction between her and I. I get angry at her and start verbalizing my anger and irritation. Sometimes give her timeouts or any other way that seems right for that moment to let my frustration out.
She looks at me with tonnes of questions in her eyes. She has a limited vocabulary but she doesn't say anything. She tries hard not to cry but breaks out in tears in just a few moments. As she does that, she opens her arms wide for a hug...
What? Now the questions are in my eyes. You want to hug me? The same person who just hurt you? The same one who just made you cry?
She leaves me speechless. I have to hug her! No, I want to hug this beautiful person... The person who can forgive so easily, the person who doesn't hold grudge even for a moment, the person who wants to love even when hurt, the person who can see through the hurtful words/actions on surface and doesn't use them to doubt my true love or her. She teaches me it is so easy to love the person who may appear unkind to you. and so easy to win them back with that love. She teaches me that the person who is the reason of your pain can also comfort you, only if you let them...

Today she was watching her favorite cartoon while I cooked her lunch. She called me, "Can you come here please?"
"Why dear?"
"Because I want to laugh with you!"
I couldn't help but smile. What a beautiful reason to ask for someone's company. There's a funny scene in that cartoon which she loves and wanted to watch it with me. But she didn't say, "Come here, so we can watch the movie together.", She said "Come here, so we can laugh together". She knows what's the real happiness. It is not the movie.. it is the laughter we share!
Often we associate our happiness with physical materialistic things. When I go to Hawaii, I will be happy. When I write a book, I will be happy. When I get invitation to that party, I will be happy. We don't realize happiness is not in those things. It is in the experience we seek in them. And that experience is abundantly available in many other ways, right now which we completely miss due to our ignorance.

There is so much that she teaches me if I just allow myself to see it. I had to take a 2 hour break to get to writing this sentence. That's because she took more than 2 hours to fall asleep after going to bed. 12 AM now and she has school tomorrow! While I was getting all agitated and annoyed trying to make her sleep, she turned to me and said. "Maa, Happy face please!" and smiled to show me how it's done. :)

Hijab

I am seeing this post way too often these days, and it was about time I wrote about it.

"A guy once asked a Muslim man “why do your women cover themselves?” The Muslim man just smiled and pulled two pieces of candy from his pocket. He un-wrapped one and left the other covered. He dropped the two on the floor and asked the guy which one he’d choose to eat. The guy said " Of course, the coverd one!"

It reminds me of this quote from Muhammad Ali to his daughter: “Hana, everything that Allah (SWT) made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to. Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground covered and protected. Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean covered up and protected in a beautiful shell. Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You’ve got to work hard to get to them"

What bothers me the most is the analogy itself, the very fact that the woman is being compared to materialistic things, no matter how valuable they are.  A candy? Candies are made for people to enjoy and eat. Is that how you see your women?   Regardless of the price you pay for diamonds, pearls and gold, they are nothing but your possessions. Is woman a property to own?

And as women, we don't want to live inside coal mines or at the bottom of the ocean. I wonder how world would be if the Sky, the Sun, the Moon, The nature and every amazing entity in this world was hidden in wraps.

Moreover, candies don't have brains to think and hearts to feel. Whether a woman should cover herself or not, should purely be her decision, not of men who "own" her. As long as even one woman is forced to cover herself, the analogy above will be a blanket covering a dark truth.

"He dropped the two on the floor and .."   Don't even get me started on that!

Testaments of a Beautiful Marriage

He loves collecting and studying insects.
She loves art.
These are the exquisite art pieces she created using real insects from his collection. Don't they portray a perfect flawless blend of both their personalities? In my view, they are the testaments of how beautiful their marriage must be!

I recently traveled to Costa Rica, where I visited the Selvatura Park in Monteverde cloud forests. The center features biologist Richard Whitten's world class educational exhibits "Jewels of the Rain Forest", one of the largest private insect exhibitions anywhere in the world. I am talking about him and his wife of course! Her name is Margaret.

Okay, sorry for the really bad pictures below. There was too much reflection from the lights flashing all over  in the room. But I had to post these because I had never seen  such shining beetles and scarabs.

May every marriage on this Earth be as colorful, vibrant and blissful as these exhibits!

No Walker for my Baby!

Okay.. this blog is not like my usual blogs. I am writing this only to share some useful information with parents.

Nyssa was barely able to sit up by herself and I had many people telling me to buy her a walker. They said it would help her walk fast. I am a first time parent, clueless about most things and so I take help of our good old google for every little doubt I have.

I started reading about walkers helping baby's motor development, and I was shocked to learn what I found!

Contradictory to what people usually believe, Walkers actually hamper a child’s ability walk! That’s because baby uses different muscles to move around in a walker than what we actually use to walk naturally. Usually the bones above to that of knee help in walking but the child in a baby walker uses the bones below the knees.These children lose the muscle control and research has shown that they will walk about a month later than if they had not used a walker. They take longer to learn the balancing concept.

It is best to let the baby learn to walk naturally… sitting to crawling to standing to walking. Each of these milestones is important for Child’s development and it is not healthy to skip any. Each one of them is important for child’s muscle development and internal strength building. Walkers allow babies to move around before they are physically ready for it, which can cause unusual movement patterns and delayed muscle control.The children using walker may even show some different modes of walking than that of an ordinary child. The legs of those child are bent than that of an ordinary child.

In a walker, baby cannot see their legs and lower body and so they don’t learn that you need to use your legs to move. They don’t get the correct information they need about motor development. I still remember when Nyssa was first learning to walk, she would always look at her legs, how one moves and then the next etc. and then look up to me proudly.

Research has also shown that walkers are related to back pain in the later part of life.

Even the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends against using them. There are a bunch of articles about safety issues with walkers as well.

It is better to get her a jumper or exersaucer (which is what I got in the end). Walker is a BIG No No!

I had to share this information because I haven't come across a single person who knew these side effects of a baby walker. Everyone who talked about it asked me to buy it for my baby. Statistics show that more than 52% parents in USA buy these for their babies completely aware of the fact that they are spending money over something which is bad for your child.

Vulnerable Peace

Nature's outrage blows Japan!

Earthquakes, Tsunamis, Fires and Nuclear radiations..

Deaths, Tears, Cries and Helplessness....

Unaware of any of it, my sweet little baby sleeps by my side in an innocent peace.

So vulnerable, yet so peaceful...

So defenseless, yet so calm...

So feeble, yet so composed...

And I am almost in tears!

May I have the luck and strength to protect my child in the biggest of calamities..

Sunny Side Up!

"You must have the easiest life in this whole world!", my friend exclaimed over our Lunch!

"Why do you think so?"

"Because, you know, you're always like .. lah di dah.. "

Before I could say anything, the waiter interrupted, "Can I get you anything else?"

"2 Eggs, sunny side up!, Thank you. ". I said.

The eggs arrive!

Oh how gorgeous they looked! two golden Suns shining in a white sky, smiling back at me!

I cut it in two halves , so each of us could eat one of those smiling little suns!

And while cutting my first bite, I said,

"You know, we are all eggs, and life is a process of cooking those eggs! No matter how hard you try, you are going to get burnt! Everybody does! It's your choice what kind of eggs you wanna be!

You can be a scrambled egg, torn apart into pieces with all the life's worries and busy routines.

Or a boiled egg, which curls up in a closed, small space, shying and hiding away from the world.

Or an omelet, which looks wrinkled all over, old and exhausted!

I like to be the Sunny Side Up Egg. Of course it gets burnt on one side, but it still stays so smooth and bright on top. Fried on one side, but radiant and cheerful on top! As if it is smiling away in all it's pain, and that's the way to live!

lah-di-dah ... !!! :) "

And the Bumper-Sticker on my car says ...

I think everyone should get a funny bumper-sticker for their car ..

Ever since I got this, I see smiles and laughs instead of still-faces and frowns through my rear-view mirror. It's a nice feeling to make strangers smile just driving through the streets doing your daily chores.. Not that I bought it thinking of all this, it's just a pleasant side-effect!! :)

He said he's coming home!! (A short Story!)

So, he says he's coming home! She jumps out of her chair!

Wait! .. Is this for real? She pinches herself! .. Hell yeah! .. He IS coming home! For the first time!

You can see the sparkle is her eyes! And her smile couldn't be any wider! Shivers run through her body! She wants to scream out loud, but she is speechless!!

She starts counting the days... 12 days from now! She runs to the mirror. "Do I look okay?" The skin looks a lil stressed.. maybe a facial will fix it. And hair? She knows he likes curls on her. But she must practice with the curling iron a few days before THE day, because she's never done it on her own before. But she is going to pretend she didnt curl it for him, she will tell him, she would've done it anyway!

Few calls to the parlor for facial appointment, waxing. Nails need some work too.

What should she wear? she runs to her wardrobe.. She doesn't want to let him know she is too excited, so something casual , plus they meet at home, so nothing too flashy! she goes looking for something sexy, but cute! Something that should show, and at the same time hide!

What else? House is such a mess! She goes and buys a dresser for the things lying around that had no home. House should be clean and inviting. He should want to come back again, you know!

She doesn't drink, but she knows he enjoys it. So a bottle wine finds it's way to her house, so does a new set of wine glasses! And yes, a cute little card from hallmark! The card says, "If everytime I thought of you was a snowflake, you wouldn't be able to make it here today!"

She is not much of a singer, but she practices a few lines from this new song that's on her mind lately. Just in case, if the card doesn't do the trick, she should have something else ready as a backup.

He works a lot every day, sleeps tired every night and she knows exactly what he needs. A massage! A calming, soothing massage. So, she buys some "learn to massage" DVDs and watches them every night. She already has massage oil at home, aah, one less thing to worry about!

Days pass by real slow!! Longest 12 days in her life! But she is happy, she is dreaming! When he comes home, she is going to give him a warm hug! Then she will show him around the whole house, her patio, show him her favorite things, smile, talk, laugh, kiss!

She has everyhting planned - which sheets go on bed that day, which pillow covers, which candles to light, what food to eat, what perfume to wear, and the list goes on ..

All that, just cos he is coming home! She doesn't even know how much time he will spend with her. Her guess - 3 hours, max!

All that, just for 3 hours?

Well, it could be just 30 min, who knows!

All that, just for 30 min??

Oh yes, every minute with him means a dream to her. She would do that even if it was just a minute! Yes, I know, she is silly!

Is she in love? If you ask her, she'd laugh and say "No way!" dodging the question and further discussions away! But she knows, what you know.. by now!

Just a day left! She is almost ready! Only the kitchen needs to be organized a little.

Everythign else is perfect!

A messenger window pops up on her screen. It's him! yay!

"So, what time are you coming tomorrow?" she asks.

"I am so damn busy lately, I have zero time for anything. And I really can't afford you being involved with me. I have my work, my family, my life, you know... "

And there is this deep, helpless silence ..

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She wipes a tear drop in her eyes!

"Good!" She says to herself, "So the snow-flakes did work!"

Dear Ajji ..

Ajji, (Grandma)
Is there anything I can do to be able to hug you just one more time?
I never really told you how much I loved you..

When I was busy running around in the house, I could see you watching me from the corner of my eye.. perhaps you wanted me to stop for a little while and sit by you.. tell you sweet little things from my world..
I know it wasn't a whole lot that you wanted..
then why didn't I give it?

When I came back home late with lots of colorful shopping bags in my hand, I could see you waiting for me at the door.. perhaps you wanted me to show you all those things one by one, and ask you to choose what looked best on me..
I know it wasn't a whole lot that you wanted..
then why didn't I give it?

When I came to India just for 3 weeks in a year, you would come and stay with us in our house.. perhaps you wished I could reserve at least a one whole day, just for you ...
I know it wasn't a whole lot that you wanted..
then why didn't I give it?

I still loved you Ajji! .. a lot!
Will you tell me once, that you knew it already?

Did I take you for granted?
I never imagined the possibility of the day when you'll go away.. vanish from my world, just like that!
I thought I can sleep resting my head on your lap, any time I wanted.. all my life!
I never knew that there's only so much of you, that I can have in my life..

I am writing this, hoping you will read it some day.. somehow..
and then kiss me on my cheeks, and say "Majhi Chhakuli!" .. like you always did..
Will you?

Majhi Ajji!My dearest Ajji!

The Ugly Duckling!

A friend sent me this message today as a response to some pictures I uploaded on facebook recently.

" Saylee,You are so beautiful. The pictures don't really
make enough justice. just a friendly praise for you :) "

I get a lot of emails from fans and friends praising me about my looks. I send a humble thank you note back with a smiley face and if these emails don't carry any other significant information or feedback, they usually end up in trash. But this particular email churned my thoughts for some reason, maybe because it was unexpected, but it made me think, took me for a ride into my past!

Have you heard the Marathi song - "एका तळ्यात होती, बदके पिले सुरेख?"

It's about this ugly little duckling which suffers abuse and gets mocked and laughed at by it's friends and neighbors. Poor soul is lonely and cries to itself in sorrow, until one fine morning, when much to it's delight and to the surprise of others, it realizes that it is actually a graceful Swan...

I feel like it's my story!

Growing up, I was always told that I was ugly!! They called me all sorts of names, made fun of me and laughed at my expense! Family, friends and even the people who had nothing to do with me....

... and I cried .. all alone, to myself.. nobody cared enough to notice..

Things changed as time passed.. How? When? I don't know! .. something unfolded on it's own!
Now, the same folks praise me .. perceive me differently.. treat me differently ... world seems like a different place to my same set of eyes..

But can I forget?

Was I really ugly then?

And am I really beautiful now?

I remember when I was a child, no matter what they said, I always believed I was beautiful! I was kind to them even when they hurt me. I helped them even when they laughed at me. There were no calculations, no revenges, no acts and no tacts! I cared.. I loved.. I cried for those who cried ..

I think I was a beautiful child! ..

How much of that purity still remains in my soul? I am not sure about now, but I sure was very very beautiful then!

Ek Yaadi Jakhmoni - Gujrati Ghazals and Geet

I don't understand / speak Gujrati , but I am singing this album of Gujrati Geet and Ghazals called "Ek Yaadi Jakhmoni". To be honest, I was a little nervous at first to try out an unfamiliar language, but not after I sang the first line of my first song!

Really folks, I enjoyed singing these as much as my mother tongue .. Isn't Music a language that any soul can understand?

To listen to the preview clips of songs that I have completed so far, go to http://www.sailee-raje.com/eyj_songs.html

As I go on completing songs in this album, I will be updating the same link with new previews.

And don't forget to let me know which ones you liked .. :)

A Shout-out to 3 friends I never met!

So, my latest album is in my mother tongue - "Marathi". I feel so proud of the fact just as I am typing this. :)

The previews coming soon at http://sailee-raje.com/

The Marathi album most likely will be named "Kshan Ek Bhalanyacha..." which means " A moment of Allure...". It's a beautiful and exquisite collection of songs full of Romance and Rain. Most of the songs are the poems my mother wrote long time back. This album was my surprise gift to her. One of the poems "Re Sajana" is by me.

But this post is not about me, but the 3 friends I never met!

There are also 3 other charming poems that were either sent to me as email forwards or found during my random search on the internet.

1. Tuzyatali Mi (Tuzya Saavalit ..)

2. Mi Harapale Re

3. Chimb Chimb Pavasane

Poems were great, neatly typed in Marathi .. the only thing missing was the name of the Poet, their creator! I have been searching for those, but haven't had any luck yet! :(

This blog is a call-out to these 3 poets who unknowingly contributed to the making of this lovely album. I would love to meet them. For me, they are my buddies already! It will be a pleasure to also add a credit to them in the album in the future reprints of the CD... Only if could I know who they are!!

If anybody can help me trace these folks, I would be truly grateful!!

So, I finally recorded my first two albums!

Yes, I was nervous every time I stood in the studio with headphones on, waiting for the music to start! Before each song, I prayed and asked God to be with me and to reside my throat. Then I visualized the entire song, and told myself to live it! For some songs I even danced in the studio during the connecting music pieces, just to get into the mood. (well, that's a secret :) ) Once the song started, the nervousness vanished on it's own.

Our music director, Pdt G S Chandra has been very satisfied with my performance in these 2 albums, although I feel I could still do a better job in couple of songs.. esp. "Main to Painyan" song. People are loving it, but I am my best critic and every time I listen to myself, I feel I could do better. Maybe that's how I'll improve.

Overall, I loved the whole experience. We were at the studio for 5 days from morning till late night, life was only about music, and how I wish it stays that way! ( oh..  I even lost a few pounds unknowingly)

I am working on putting together a quick website, where I can upload some sample tracks for you to get sneak previews of my songs before the CDs are released.

Here are a couple of pictures from last week. Both are taken in the backyard of our studio place. On first day, we did a small Pooja before we started with our venture. First pic is about that. The second one is my picture with our music director, Pdt. G S Chandra.

A Bold Step into the Musical World ..

It's been SUCH a LONG time, since I wrote my last blog .. I know! And I want to say sorry to those who look forward to reading my blogs. I really am!

During all this time, life took some beautiful twists .. so many to talk about! .. But today i want to share with you the most amazing thing that happened to me!

I finally found what I was looking for all these years..  my ultimate passion, my deepest craving,  my soul! ..

  MUSIC!!!

I had started singing as a kid .. I loved it, but at that time it was more like a study project. Then I went and tried bunch of other things... dancing, painting, poetry, sports, and more and more .. and oh! how can I forget my bread - hardware engineering! 

But finally I realized I have only traced the circle to land back on music! Music it is!!

If you asked me where I will be after 30 years.. I don't know!! But I know for sure that I'll still  be singing!! Singing my every vein out!!

I am just about to take a bold step in my musical world!

The recording of my first 2 music albums starts day after tomorrow!!

And I cannot tell you what it means to me.. if this is a dream, I do not want to wake up!

And at such an important milestone, how is it even possible to not remember you all?  

Today, my heart cries out for your love. 

I want to touch your hearts with my music... shower  you with the most precious gift I got!

Will you let me?

Will you sprinkle your affection, blessings and wishes around me?

Will you be on my side as friends, and as critics?

Will you? .........

Prayer a day...

Mamma: "Did you do Pooja (Prayers) this morning?"
Me: "Umm... no I didn't get time. umm.. I had to rush to catch my train!"
OR
" Umm .. no, not today, but I lit a diya on Saturday!"
OR
" oh.. yes, I have been doing it. Just didn't find to do it this week because ....!"

This is one of the typical conversations between Mamma and me when she calls me. She always asks me to pray every morning. And I keep saying .. "OK.. tomorrow onwards ... maybe ..I'll start "
The truth is I haven't done pooja in months!! I just don't feel enough drive for it.

Why do I have to explicitly sing the words of praise to God when I am grateful to him in my heart?
I thank him time to time for being there for me. I trust in him and know that no matter how lonely I might get, he'll always be there with me. I truly believe everything happens for good!

Doesn't God know that already?
Why do few verses in Sanskrit (that I don't always understand) are considered more meaningful than what I really mean at my heart?
I may not join my hands, offer flowers, lit diyas everyday in front God Idol. But does that mean that the feelings of gratuity, faith and thankfulness in my heart weaker than someone who does?

Mamma said, "Things always need to be expressed. If you love a person, it's not enough to just know it. he'd never feel it unless you show it. This is something like that.
It's not enough to just say you are smart. You actually have to score to prove that you are smart. This is something like that. Physical actions do matter."

I listened... but wasn't quite satisfied with that answer. Even though I accept that fact that I have to act physically to convey my prayers to God, I don't feel that performing the pooja mechanically at a specific time in the morning would be the right way to express my love to God.
At least not the right way for me!
I want to say it only when I mean it! .. I dont want to do something like a daily chore. That's not me, if I start doing that!

I spent 3 days thinking over it.

When do I want to pray? ..
When I feel closest to God!
When do I feel closest to God? ... and How do I want to pray?

Prayers to me is to be thankful when I go to bed happy!
Prayers to me is to look at the skies above and feel one with them!
Prayers to me is to remember God in good times and not just in bad ones!
Prayers to me is making the best of what God gave me!
Prayers to me is living every moment!
Prayers to me is an honest unselfish advice!
Prayers to me is to help someone in need!
Prayers to me is a kind act!

and that's where I got my answer!
Answers actually lie within us! and It's so awesome to find them!

One kind act a day!
That will be my real prayer!
Yes, I have found my prayer!

Kiss at the mall

My ice-skating class is right next to the Valco mall. After the class, sometimes I go for a walk in the mall. It makes me forget the body-pain that I get from falling at the ice-rink. :)
It’s a fun walk... I love hopping from store to store, trying on different stuff. Observing people around, is something I love even more! What I don’t like is that I always end up buying something I don’t really need!

Yesterday was one such day. I stood outside the mall, made a resolution that I won’t buy anything . Then I stepped in. Luckily, I didn’t even find anything interesting that would tempt me to break my resolution. But I still kept walking.

It was about 40 minutes later, that I suddenly heard a voice from behind... “Hi!!!”
I turned around to find a girl holding hand of a woman. We had never met before. The pair didnt look like mother and daughter to me... maybe they were relatives. The girl wore a shabby red T-shirt and jeans. She was skinny, with her hair braded and wore thick glasses… too thick for her age.
Anyone could tell that she was a special child. She looked about 8 years old but her mental age could be around 2-3 years. Since I did not recognize her, I looked at the lady for some help. She simply stood there silent; I figured I am not going to get any help from her there. There were a few other people around and it was kind of awkward situation for everybody.

“Hi!!!!” the girl said again, looking straight into my eyes. I looked at the lady again. She turned away as if she was embarrassed because of the child. For one moment I thought of simply walking away, but something made me stay there.

I looked at the girl... she was smiling as if she was very happy to see me. I shook all my thoughts away, smiled and said “Hi…”
“What is your name?” she asked.
“My name is Saylee... and what is yours?”
“Roshni!”
“Roshni! It’s a nice name!”

Then for a couple of moments we just kept smiling at each other.

Then she suddenly said “Ok... bye bye!” .. still smiling.
“Bye!” I said.
I was about to leave when she said “Kiss?”
All this was going at a very fast pace for me to comprehend. But I could feel the love in it.
She opened her arms wide, with assurance in her eyes that she will definitely get a kiss!

The lady now had turned her back completely as if she didn’t know what was her happening behind her. And I didn’t care if there was anybody else looking at us.

I took a step closer to her and she gave me a kiss and a hug. She was very happy and so was I. I felt so touched by that child in just a few seconds! She asked me my name and that was all she needed to know to feel like we've always known eachother!

I waived my hands to say god bye and started walking. It was lovely!! I suddenly found that mall much more beautiful, more cheerful and filled with love and happiness. I felt good about me.

I didn’t buy anything that day, I walked for some more time and then returned home. On my drive back I kept thinking about the girl... what a loving heart she had!
A heart that could love strangers!
Because of her mental condition and appearance, I am sure that she must have been laughed upon and neglected. But she still had immense love for the world in her heart. I could see it in her eyes.

May I also be blessed with such a loving heart…

Anyone can love their own family and close ones. I don’t call that a loving heart though.
A loving heart is a heart that can love strangers…
A loving heart is when you don’t get irritated by a slow driver in front of you thinking that he could be a new driver.
A loving heart is when you take time to see if the ugly old lady in the handicapped chair at the checkout queue needs help, just the way you do to admire and smile at the irresistibly cute baby in the same queue.
A loving heart is a heart that can love someone that can do absolutely nothing for you...
And it’s hard …

The little special child taught me a lesson of love all over again...
Through a kiss at the mall..