Pregnant? You can give gift of life to many more kids in addition to the one you are carrying!

If you are pregnant, I would really really encourage you to start this new chapter of your life by doing something noble, beautiful and meaningful. It’s very easy and you have nothing to lose! Inside your miraculous mommy tummy, you are not just carrying your baby - a life to begin, but you are also carrying a gift of life that can potentially be offered to many more kids struggling for life. Your umbilical cord that is usually just trashed!

Your umbilical cord that’s connecting you to the baby carries blood that’s very rich in stem cells. Stem cells are mother cells that have the potential to become any type of cell in the body. One of the main characteristics of stem cells is their ability to self-renew or multiply while maintaining the potential to develop into other types of cells. Stem cells can become cells of the blood, heart, bones, skin, muscles, brain etc. So just imagine the power these cells have! These cells offer the possibility of a renewable source of replacement cells and tissues to treat diseases including leukemia, macular degeneration, spinal cord injury, stroke, burns, heart disease, diabetes, osteoarthritis, and rheumatoid arthritis. Further research is being done to use these for organ transplants, to mend a broken heart etc.

Immediately after giving birth, you can extract this cord blood and store it safely at a cord blood bank. If you do not do this, your cord blood is THROWN AWAY!! Can you believe that? Such powerful, life saver resource, just discarded into trash! If you plan in advance (around your second trimester), you can start the process with your local cord blood bank and they will guide you through the simple process.

There are many private cord blood banks where people pay thousands of dollars to save the cord blood to save their own child’s life in future if needed. In most cases, it goes unused. A better option in my opinion is to donate it to PUBLIC cord blood banks, where stem cells are made available publicly, so any matching person in need could use it. That person could very well be your own kid in future! The good part, it is FREE!! You do not pay anything as you are banking it as a donation!

I came to know about this in the third trimester of my pregnancy. It was hard to find an organization that served my location, my hospital. After many days of research, when I did find a local organization just 3 weeks before my due date, I was told that I was too late and that they are too early in this phase. They had just finished paperwork to be able to collect cord blood. I still persuaded them to help me out and they agreed to do their best. On January 18, 2011, the day Nyssa arrived into this world, we were the first couple to donate cord blood with Joanne Pang Foundation in the bay area. The next day there were TV channels in our hospital room,but the best part was the content feeling I had to know that my cord blood was not wasted, that it was finally safe somewhere waiting to save someone’s life!

So if you are pregnant, please try to find a local PUBLIC cord blood bank or an organization that can help you bank the cord blood with a public bank, and get the ball rolling. The sooner you do this, the better. Please share this knowledge to spread awareness. it’s something so easy to do and yet so incredible!

The organization we used is in the bay area, California is called Joanne Pang Foundation. They directly worked with my hospital to arrange for the cord blood collection and arranged for the blood to be shipped to the public bank in Texas. I just filled in the paperwork and connected them with my doctor. It’s that easy! :)

Their website seems down at the moment, but here’s another online pointer to them http://parentsguidecordblood.org/en...

Contact I used: Helen Roy

Should I let my kid pick her own clothes?

This post is born out of the morning argument I had with my almost 4 year old when she refused to wear the dress I picked for her. It was the same dress she absolutely loved a few months back! And now she hates it. I tried to distract her as I put it on her. She created a havoc over it. I was watching the clock as it was almost time for her school. "I don't want to waste more time changing her all over again into clothes of her choice, we are being late for school!", I told myself and my husband. But the real reason was that my ego wanted her to be the obedient child who happily agreed to every choice I made for her.

"I want to have a daughter, so I can dress her up all I want!" I have heard these from countless number of women all along. It was something I looked forward to when I was pregnant too! And yes, you do get to fulfill all your fantasies dressing up the cute little angel all you want after she arrives. But there comes a time when she doesn't want you to dress her up. She now has opinions of her own, choices of her own, a mind of her own! I believe I am not the only mom who has hard time accepting this.

My little girl went to school in the next best choice of clothes that "I" made for her. Soon after the clothing incident everything seemed to go wrong. She had become fussy about everything around her and got yelled at due to other things that followed such as almost spilling the milk and not cooperating while I did her hair. She forgot to carry her Monday class project with her. She went to school crying! I knew all of these were just the repercussions of the clothing incident.

5 hours later, her sad little face was still flashing in front of my eyes. Yes, I got what I want. She went to school in the clothes I picked for her. But was it all worth it? What kind of a day she might be having in school? Is it better to rest my ego and let her be the way she wants to be? Is that good for her or is it better she doesn't spend time worrying about how she looks at this young age?

I knew in my heart what was the right thing to do. That's because for a brief moment during my argument with my daughter I had felt I was exactly doing what my mom did 30 years ago. I tried to ignore it but it kept pricking me inside. My mom always picked an outfit for me till I was in my early teens. Most of the times I never questioned her even when I was not happy with what I wore. I did not want to get in trouble. When I was a little kid, most of my friends wore the dresses with sleeves. My mother preferred to put me in sleeveless dresses. She might have thought it was cute and modern but I always thought I did not fit in. When I moved to high school, she once custom stitched a beautiful white dress with red flowers for me that had a moderately low neck. Every time I wore it, I got bullied at school by older girls. I refused to wear it. My mom got angry every time I refused and forced me to wear it saying she has spent a lot of money for it. One day I broke down. I started crying and told her about how I was getting bullied at school because of it. She never sent me to school in that dress after that. I wonder why it took me so long to tell her that I was being bullied. Perhaps I thought she would not believe me or go to another extreme and launch complaint against my bullies in school and that would have landed me in more trouble. None of those happened.

But it made me realize that sometimes children may not be able to explain the real motivator behind the choices they make. Many times they know what they want but cannot explain why. It might be better at times to trust their instinct even when you don't understand them.

I revisited the morning incident in my thoughts. My daughter kept saying she doesn't like that dress. After about 10 minutes I thought of asking her why. She said, "because none of my friends like it!" I had ignored that little piece of information. What do 4-year-olds know about fashion? But what I thought was trivial, was a big deal for her. It was HER body. They were HER friends. SHE was going to spend next 8 hours with them. It was HER life. She wanted her friends to like the way she dressed. What's wrong with that? All humans crave for acceptance. Don't we? We need to make sure that we are dressed appropriately for the occasion. We want to follow the dress code. We want to fit in. What's wrong if a 4-year old wants to fit in too?

Photo credit: Craigslistdad @ wordpress
De-clutter, Organize & Repurpose

Moreover, clothing is more than just a way to fit in. Clothing shows our personality. Clothing is our expression. The way we dress up shows how we are feeling that day. Every morning I choose an outfit that suits my mood. Sometimes I want to wear skinny dress and sometimes I want to just disappear in the loose comfortable pajamas. How mad will I get if someone forces me to wear tight jeans when I want to wear a light flowing skirt instead? The way we dress up has a lot to do with the way we show up that day.When we feel comfortable in what we wear, we are not distracted during the day. We can focus better. We are happier.

I researched more. I learned that allowing kids to make their own choices helps them be independent . It helps build their self-confidence. It might happen that they will make a fool out of themselves at times, but they'll learn from it. They will learn to take responsibility of their actions. And hey! They won't be able to blame you for the clothes they feel embarrassed at after they grow up! :)

The plan going forward:
What do I do with the closet full of clothes I already have for her? I am going to sit with her and sort her closet to completely discard/donate/sell the clothes she hates and only keep the ones she likes. While she is little, in the mornings I will make a few suggestions based on the weather and the physical activity she will be doing that day and then let her choose for herself.
I will let her choose her clothes when we go shopping. Even when I shop online, I will make sure she is sitting next to me picking the clothes before I hit the "confirm order" button. So everything we get is of her choice. I won't be able to resist making suggestions, I know, but she will have the final word.
After a few years, I might even give her a fixed amount of money and ask her to buy clothes for herself that fit the budget. I remember going crazy shopping the first time I got the freedom to buy things for myself after I started earning. I regretted later for the amount of money I wasted on things I didn't really need. Perhaps allowing her to spend within a fixed budget from early on will teach her a thing or two about managing money.

And for the little bit of my ego, that is still trying to poke at me, I am asking these 2 questions!
1. What's the worse that will happen if she picks her own clothes?
- There will be some clothes in her closet that will stay unused forever.
2. What's the worse that will happen if  I pick her clothes against her wishes?
- Discomfort, Distracted mind, Low Confidence, Chance of being bullied, Unhappiness.
The answer is bright and clear! I decide to rest my ego for my child's happiness!

Listen to your own Voice, Everything else is background noise.

People in a state of confusion tend to ask more and more people for their advice. Even if they don't ask, as soon as other people sense the confusion, they feel compelled to give advice.

For all the people advising one way, there will be enough number of people advising you the other way. So the more you ask, the more confused you become! In all that chaos, you forget that there is a voice inside of you that desperately wants you guide you! 

Listen to your own Voice, Everything else is background noise.

Imagine slowly tuning your mind radio out of that background noise of what everybody else is saying and what you've been hearing from all around you. Tune in to your inner voice. If you don't hear anything, stay there. Stay till you hear it, Stay! For that voice is the only one that will set you free!

So they chose someone else over you! ... A self help blog

So they chose someone else over you!

Your long-awaited promotion went to your colleague instead!  Your crush chose someone else! Your potential client chose someone else’s services over yours! Someone else got the award instead of you!

One of the hardest thing to digest! isn't it?

This blog will give you some tools and techniques to get over it and feel at peace again!

Pain seems more painful when we resist it instead of allowing it through.

Stop. Breathe... And pause for a moment. Let's try to figure what's really happening inside of you. Notice that feeling of discomfort in your body. Where do you feel it? How and where is it flowing? Notice your feelings.. what emotion are you feeling? Is it envy? Guilt? Disappointment? Chaos? Anxiety? Worry? Perhaps it’s more that one emotion or perhaps you don’t even know what it is. It’s okay!

Ask yourself, what if I just allowed myself to feel what I am feeling instead of resisting it? It’s okay to feel jealous, it’s okay to feel sad, it is okay to be disappointed once in a while. It’s okay to feel what I am feeling now. It’s really okay! Why am I being so hard on myself? What if I give myself a break from my pursuit of eternal happiness and just rest in this feeling for a little bit?

What is life all about? Is it just about being happy all the time? What will happen if we are happy all the time? The way we experience happiness now will be so much more diluted! That’s when we’ll realize life was never meant to be about experiencing just the happiness. Each of us is entitled to experience the full spectrum of emotions - happiness, sorrow, jealousy, pride, anxiety, joy, guilt, gratitude, worry, safety, love, anger, the list goes on.  I like to tell myself that life is an experience to be lived fully. I am entitled to experience the entire spectrum of emotions in this life. This is my story and I will live each chapter in my story with absolute passion and acceptance.

After you allow yourself to pause and feel, move on to reflecting on what really happened.

One reason we feel worse than we should is because - We label it as Rejection! We take it personally. Ask yourself Was their action really “A rejection of me” or “Acceptance of someone else”?

More often than not you’ll find that it is them accepting someone else and not really rejecting you. Acceptance of one thing doesn't necessarily mean rejection of the other. It’s JUST acceptance of something and should be perceived as nothing else. Their viewpoint might be “I like him/her, perhaps a tad bit more than you.”. The way you perceive it is “You are useless. I don’t like you.”

We are so ruthless to ourselves. We allow ourselves to believe the most negative judgement of ourselves without even giving a benefit of doubt to other possible interpretations of the same situation. Perhaps the other person did work harder than you, perhaps there were other personal reasons for other parties that you were not aware of, perhaps they perceived you as overqualified, perhaps they thought you are too busy for what they need, perhaps the other person needed it more than you, it could have been anything. We cannot change what happened in the past, but when we do have a choice to interpret the situation with a range of possibilities, why do we always let ourselves believe the one that is most harmful for the peace of our mind? If you must conclude the chapter with some interpretation/thought to hold on to, why not choose the one that supports you, helps you move on sooner?  Dump all the “I am useless” thoughts, they are really not worth your time and energy, and most importantly they are not true!

There is an even better way to feel more accepted and powerful. For once, think of the people who have accepted and celebrated you in various parts of life! Remember the look in their eyes? Was it anything less than real? Think of those situations, re-live those moments! What did they see in you? What they saw still exists within you. People may take away your job, your awards, your clients, but they cannot tamper with the very strengths of you! You own your unique strengths, your unique gifts and values and they will be the reason you will succeed in your life ahead!

Often it seems even more painful when you know the person they finally chose. But maybe you can use this extra information to get over it sooner. What do you know about them that will allow you to extend a little bit of love towards them regardless of what happened? For e.g. you might be able to reason out why the other person needed it more than you? Or they were meant to have more significant impact on the life of the person who chose them? Any quality of theirs that you truly admire? This might be a hard one to implement at this time, but if you could just allow yourself to try it, you’ll feel a dramatic shift in your temperament that very moment. This technique never fails, all you need to do is to allow your heart to expand just a little.

Turn the energy drain into energy fountain! Physics tells us that  energy can never be created nor be destroyed, just transformed from one form into another. If we cannot get rid of the negative energy just transform it to positive energy. Think about how you can do that. Many people use their negative experiences to motivate them to perform even better next time. Can you take this as a challenge? Convert that draining pull to motivational push! How else can you convert your energy? Can you use your energy to do something for someone less fortunate than you? Such an act helps you step out of your "me" zone and experience your connection to the world outside. It can make our worries feel small. Think! Ask yourself what can I do with this negative energy? You might surprise yourself with what you come up with.

If you are feeling motivated to do even better next time, perhaps this boost in your motivation was the reason this happened in your life in the first place? Think big picture, think about the significance of this incident in your life.Your life doesn't end here. This is just a tiny chapter of your life. Let this be a lesson and nothing more. What lesson can you take from this experience to navigate through your life ahead? What can you hold on to? What can you let go of?

Instead of dwelling in the past and sobbing about it, let’s focus on the power of NOW to create a better tomorrow!

My life purpose statement

I tried creating my life purpose statement using Jack Canfield's "The Success Principles" today. And here it is:

"My purpose is to use my creativity and compassion to empower and support others to figure their true purpose, connect with their consciousness thus leading to the creation of a world where everyone is living in harmony, love and peace." -Sailee

Tips #1, #2, #3 for Boosting Self-Confidence

A client came to me wanting to improve her self-confidence. After our first introductory discussion, she asked me what my charges were. I do not always do this but I thoughtfully gave her a sliding scale price range and asked her to pick any rate from that range. She looked very confused and overwhelmed. Unable to make a decision, she asked me to decide a rate for her. I refused with a smile and said this is your first self-confidence lesson: When you have an opportunity to make a choice, make it!

Often in our day-to-day life we need to make a number of choices. Deciding a place to dine, choosing an outfit with your shopping buddy, ordering for two in the restaurant, deciding which movie to go to, picking a day for a meetup.. often you might have people asking you to suggest an option. A lot of times even if we have a something in mind we tend to not say it in order to be polite. We throw the ball back in their court saying "Anything is fine, really!" We think we are actually giving them the privilege of choosing by being nice and polite.What's really happening is you are not helping them in any way, just bringing them back to where they started. Now the pressure is on them to choose something for you even if you may not like it. What would really make things easier is to just choose something and move on! Then you have more time to actually have fun doing what you do than figuring out what to do. But more importantly, you get a opportunity to let your inner personality surface. You get to define yourself in front of the world. Even though these might seem like trivial decisions, practicing taking a stand whenever you can that resonates with you makes you comfortable with your own choices; And that is the key step towards being confident: being comfortable with yourself. So when you have an opportunity to make a choice, make it! Don't worry about if others will agree with it or not. When they ask you for your input, they expect a reply. Replying is a nicer thing to do than throwing the question back at them. Even if you don't have a particular choice in mind, think a little and come up with something. Be assertive. Be yourself. Make a choice that shows who you are!

Look people in the eye! Imagine you are walking down the hallway and someone is walking towards you from the opposite side. You have noticed them but you still pretend to look at your cellphone or to your left or right to avoid eye contact. You only look at them with a half smile, half nod and a half hello when they come really close to you. At times, you pretend to not have noticed them at all! Does this seem familiar? Why do people do that? This happens not because you don't want to look at them, but because you don't want to look at yourself through their eyes! Would it be too friendly if I smiled at them? What if I run out words talking to them? What if I say something silly? These thoughts say nothing about them, but about you judging yourself. We think everything in this world is about us. It is not! 

On my morning walk, I noticed a scary looking man with a hoodie, walking in my direction with an uneasy walk, much like a drunk. A thought crossed my mind, Should I change my way before we cross? There was still some time for me to change my direction and go left before we crossed each other. But immediately a voice in my head said, "No, keep walking. Smile and say hello to him when you get closer to him. Face your fear in the face." I continued my walk, and when we got closer, I looked him in the eye and said hello. When I saw him closely, I figured he was not drunk. He was actually limping which made it look like he had no control over his legs. He did not look scary. There was rather a tinge of sadness in his eyes. At the same time he had a great spirit to start the day with a walk even though he limped. When I smiled at him, he was a little awkward, as if I was doing something out of the ordinary. But hey, all the morning walkers smile at each other. Why is he feeling I am doing something different? .. Maybe nobody smiles at him? may be he has seen enough people changing their way before passing by him? maybe he is going through a lot in his life? Who knows! In that brief moment, I appreciated everything about him. Even though he limped, he had eyes that carried a thousand emotions. He had a story I did not really know, but whatever it was, it sure was much beautiful than the initial story I was about to tell myself which went somewhat like... he was coming towards me to mug me or say something rude. When we avoid eye contact with people, we are judging them and/or ourselves, creating a story in our mind that is often far from the truth. It is much beautiful and real when we look people in the eye with curiosity, free of any judgments.

Just when I decided to look at him for who he is, I realized it is not all about myself. When we are low in confidence, we think everything is about us and world is waiting to get back at us, attack us or laugh at us when we make a mistake. That is so not the case. Remind yourself, “Everything is not about me!” It is about them too and more importantly, about you and them together. When you are with people, look at them for who they are. Appreciate what’s wonderful about them. Do not keep looking back at yourself through their eyes. Because, first, you cannot do it anyway. What you imagine they are thinking about you and what they are really thinking can be far apart. They may not even be thinking anything of you. Second, does it really matter what they think of you? Why are you letting that matter to you? Would you change yourself for every person you meet or rather just be who you are and love yourself for that?

So here are my first 3 tips for improving self confidence:
1. When you have an opportunity to make a choice, make it!
2. Look people in the eye. (with curiosity and no judgments)
3. Remind yourself “Everything is not about me!” (expand your horizons to include others, move the attention from yourself to others to appreciate the good in them)

More tips to come.. Stay tuned..

Knowing vs. Being

We all know! Yet, it seems so hard to be!

How strange is that!

We all know that exercise, healthy food, meditation, mindfulness is good for us, living in alignment with our values and integrity bring us peace and keeping calm in the stressful situations gives us better control of the situation and so on. But still, often we give up when it is time to actually act, to actually be! How strange is that!

I met a gentleman yesterday who has been in spiritual practice for more than 15 years, has read a lot of books and seen a lot of seminars on how to live a positive life. During our long discussion he referred to many authors, speakers, books and other references asking me if I knew about them. 

"Have you heard about this concept about positive affirmations?", "Do you know this author?", "Have you listened to this incredible guy/lady?" .....

 Honestly, most of the times I had no clue about these people or the names they gave to these practices. But I already knew all the principles they all were trying to teach! Every time he spoke about a concept, I knew it already (minus its official name he referred to) because I figured I was actually practicing it in my life. I was living it! He was surprised to see how much I knew without being exposed to all this information out there. He was curious to know if I got it from my parents or some organization or if I followed any guru. I said "No, I don't really follow one particular person or organization that has taught me all this. I just follow my instinct. I know it because it came to me. When you really want to live your life in a particular manner, universe offers all the resources you need to get there!"

In my personal opinion you do not need to study a whole lot of things in order to integrate the right things into your life. It is not necessary to read a hundred books or listen to a hundred speeches to know what is right for us. We already know! The truth is and has always been inside of us. The incredible speakers, the gurus and the books are just another medium to make us aware of it all over again. If you are not willing from within to bring a change, it won't matter how much information you read. Whatever you thought you learned will wear off in short time. However, if you truly desire something from your heart, things automatically happen for you.. knowledge comes to you.. you find the right things because you look for right things! 

The most important thing is,  to "want" to be. The link between knowing and being is "wanting". It is only when you want to be, that you actually can be! Knowing won't do anything unless you accept it with all your mind and body. We are like cups. If the cup is upside down, it won't be able to contain anything no matter how much water you pour on it. On the other hand, when it is sitting upright the way it supposed to be it will fill quickly. 

How many of us like/share/appreciate all the beautiful quotes we come across? We appreciate the wisdom in them because it connects with our core. But soon after that we forget about it. We "choose" to forget about it. It is because we fail to really "want" to invite it into our life. 

Pick 5 quotes that you truly connect with and work on truly making them a part of your life. Live them! Be them! Start with one. Just living one principle will be enough to transform your life! Try it!

Open yourself to solutions instead of focusing on problems. You always find what you look for! If you want anything in your life to change, you should first truly "want" that change! That will guide you to BE that change. 

How to handle negative news?

Most news these days makes me sad. Almost every day, I read at least one piece of news that bothers me, hurts me and even draws me to tears. I feel blue and helpless. It doesn't solve the problem, but only adds to my stress. After a lot of pondering over this, I figured avoiding the news is not the right way. "Ignorance may be bliss, but it is not the solution! Solutions are born through awareness followed by actions." 

It is easy to blame others/society/government/circumstances one moment and then leave and go back to our lives the next. Blame only creates more negative energy. We need to transform that negative energy into positive... Positive thoughts, Positive Intentions, Positive ideas and Positive Actions! That's where the power is! That's where the change is!

So every time something bothers you, Do NOT ignore or just feel sorry! Think of one thing you can do to make difference there. What baby step can YOU take on your part about that issue? It could be a step as simple as sharing to raise awareness, or writing an email/blog/letter, making a phone call or donating a dollar. But DO this exercise "Every time"! 

Helen Keller said, "I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do."
Every time you feel something is not right, take a moment to pause and think,"What's the one thing that I can do about it?". And there's is always something that you can do! When I feel down due to something I just learned, this is the most powerful remedy I have found to help me feel better. Yes, it works!

Inequality

Back in India, when I was a a little kid, I befriended a maid's daughter who was same age as mine. She was so fun! 

After a few days I was shouted at for doing that and was told that I should not be playing with the ones "inferior" to me. I was very sad to lose a friend, I couldn't digest that "logic". But being a kid, I did not have a choice. 

I couldn't look into the eyes of my friend after that. I knew she was wondering why I am not the same person anymore, but I couldn't tell her why. I felt like a criminal and victim at the same time. 

That was when I decided that I would never tell such a thing to my kids in the future.

Teacher

I have an amazing teacher in my life. She is 2 years old. yes, that's right! 2 years!
What's wonderful about her is that she isn't set out to teach me anything, but goes on offering me lesson after lesson just by being who she is. She lives the teachings I receive from her, becomes a live example. And that's how she teaches me.

Like in any relationship, occasionally there are moments of friction between her and I. I get angry at her and start verbalizing my anger and irritation. Sometimes give her timeouts or any other way that seems right for that moment to let my frustration out.
She looks at me with tonnes of questions in her eyes. She has a limited vocabulary but she doesn't say anything. She tries hard not to cry but breaks out in tears in just a few moments. As she does that, she opens her arms wide for a hug...
What? Now the questions are in my eyes. You want to hug me? The same person who just hurt you? The same one who just made you cry?
She leaves me speechless. I have to hug her! No, I want to hug this beautiful person... The person who can forgive so easily, the person who doesn't hold grudge even for a moment, the person who wants to love even when hurt, the person who can see through the hurtful words/actions on surface and doesn't use them to doubt my true love or her. She teaches me it is so easy to love the person who may appear unkind to you. and so easy to win them back with that love. She teaches me that the person who is the reason of your pain can also comfort you, only if you let them...

Today she was watching her favorite cartoon while I cooked her lunch. She called me, "Can you come here please?"
"Why dear?"
"Because I want to laugh with you!"
I couldn't help but smile. What a beautiful reason to ask for someone's company. There's a funny scene in that cartoon which she loves and wanted to watch it with me. But she didn't say, "Come here, so we can watch the movie together.", She said "Come here, so we can laugh together". She knows what's the real happiness. It is not the movie.. it is the laughter we share!
Often we associate our happiness with physical materialistic things. When I go to Hawaii, I will be happy. When I write a book, I will be happy. When I get invitation to that party, I will be happy. We don't realize happiness is not in those things. It is in the experience we seek in them. And that experience is abundantly available in many other ways, right now which we completely miss due to our ignorance.

There is so much that she teaches me if I just allow myself to see it. I had to take a 2 hour break to get to writing this sentence. That's because she took more than 2 hours to fall asleep after going to bed. 12 AM now and she has school tomorrow! While I was getting all agitated and annoyed trying to make her sleep, she turned to me and said. "Maa, Happy face please!" and smiled to show me how it's done. :)

Hijab

I am seeing this post way too often these days, and it was about time I wrote about it.

"A guy once asked a Muslim man “why do your women cover themselves?” The Muslim man just smiled and pulled two pieces of candy from his pocket. He un-wrapped one and left the other covered. He dropped the two on the floor and asked the guy which one he’d choose to eat. The guy said " Of course, the coverd one!"

It reminds me of this quote from Muhammad Ali to his daughter: “Hana, everything that Allah (SWT) made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to. Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground covered and protected. Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean covered up and protected in a beautiful shell. Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You’ve got to work hard to get to them"

What bothers me the most is the analogy itself, the very fact that the woman is being compared to materialistic things, no matter how valuable they are.  A candy? Candies are made for people to enjoy and eat. Is that how you see your women?   Regardless of the price you pay for diamonds, pearls and gold, they are nothing but your possessions. Is woman a property to own?

And as women, we don't want to live inside coal mines or at the bottom of the ocean. I wonder how world would be if the Sky, the Sun, the Moon, The nature and every amazing entity in this world was hidden in wraps.

Moreover, candies don't have brains to think and hearts to feel. Whether a woman should cover herself or not, should purely be her decision, not of men who "own" her. As long as even one woman is forced to cover herself, the analogy above will be a blanket covering a dark truth.

"He dropped the two on the floor and .."   Don't even get me started on that!

Testaments of a Beautiful Marriage

He loves collecting and studying insects.
She loves art.
These are the exquisite art pieces she created using real insects from his collection. Don't they portray a perfect flawless blend of both their personalities? In my view, they are the testaments of how beautiful their marriage must be!

I recently traveled to Costa Rica, where I visited the Selvatura Park in Monteverde cloud forests. The center features biologist Richard Whitten's world class educational exhibits "Jewels of the Rain Forest", one of the largest private insect exhibitions anywhere in the world. I am talking about him and his wife of course! Her name is Margaret.

Okay, sorry for the really bad pictures below. There was too much reflection from the lights flashing all over  in the room. But I had to post these because I had never seen  such shining beetles and scarabs.

May every marriage on this Earth be as colorful, vibrant and blissful as these exhibits!

No Walker for my Baby!

Okay.. this blog is not like my usual blogs. I am writing this only to share some useful information with parents.

Nyssa was barely able to sit up by herself and I had many people telling me to buy her a walker. They said it would help her walk fast. I am a first time parent, clueless about most things and so I take help of our good old google for every little doubt I have.

I started reading about walkers helping baby's motor development, and I was shocked to learn what I found!

Contradictory to what people usually believe, Walkers actually hamper a child’s ability walk! That’s because baby uses different muscles to move around in a walker than what we actually use to walk naturally. Usually the bones above to that of knee help in walking but the child in a baby walker uses the bones below the knees.These children lose the muscle control and research has shown that they will walk about a month later than if they had not used a walker. They take longer to learn the balancing concept.

It is best to let the baby learn to walk naturally… sitting to crawling to standing to walking. Each of these milestones is important for Child’s development and it is not healthy to skip any. Each one of them is important for child’s muscle development and internal strength building. Walkers allow babies to move around before they are physically ready for it, which can cause unusual movement patterns and delayed muscle control.The children using walker may even show some different modes of walking than that of an ordinary child. The legs of those child are bent than that of an ordinary child.

In a walker, baby cannot see their legs and lower body and so they don’t learn that you need to use your legs to move. They don’t get the correct information they need about motor development. I still remember when Nyssa was first learning to walk, she would always look at her legs, how one moves and then the next etc. and then look up to me proudly.

Research has also shown that walkers are related to back pain in the later part of life.

Even the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends against using them. There are a bunch of articles about safety issues with walkers as well.

It is better to get her a jumper or exersaucer (which is what I got in the end). Walker is a BIG No No!

I had to share this information because I haven't come across a single person who knew these side effects of a baby walker. Everyone who talked about it asked me to buy it for my baby. Statistics show that more than 52% parents in USA buy these for their babies completely aware of the fact that they are spending money over something which is bad for your child.

Vulnerable Peace

Nature's outrage blows Japan!

Earthquakes, Tsunamis, Fires and Nuclear radiations..

Deaths, Tears, Cries and Helplessness....

Unaware of any of it, my sweet little baby sleeps by my side in an innocent peace.

So vulnerable, yet so peaceful...

So defenseless, yet so calm...

So feeble, yet so composed...

And I am almost in tears!

May I have the luck and strength to protect my child in the biggest of calamities..

Sunny Side Up!

"You must have the easiest life in this whole world!", my friend exclaimed over our Lunch!

"Why do you think so?"

"Because, you know, you're always like .. lah di dah.. "

Before I could say anything, the waiter interrupted, "Can I get you anything else?"

"2 Eggs, sunny side up!, Thank you. ". I said.

The eggs arrive!

Oh how gorgeous they looked! two golden Suns shining in a white sky, smiling back at me!

I cut it in two halves , so each of us could eat one of those smiling little suns!

And while cutting my first bite, I said,

"You know, we are all eggs, and life is a process of cooking those eggs! No matter how hard you try, you are going to get burnt! Everybody does! It's your choice what kind of eggs you wanna be!

You can be a scrambled egg, torn apart into pieces with all the life's worries and busy routines.

Or a boiled egg, which curls up in a closed, small space, shying and hiding away from the world.

Or an omelet, which looks wrinkled all over, old and exhausted!

I like to be the Sunny Side Up Egg. Of course it gets burnt on one side, but it still stays so smooth and bright on top. Fried on one side, but radiant and cheerful on top! As if it is smiling away in all it's pain, and that's the way to live!

lah-di-dah ... !!! :) "

And the Bumper-Sticker on my car says ...

I think everyone should get a funny bumper-sticker for their car ..

Ever since I got this, I see smiles and laughs instead of still-faces and frowns through my rear-view mirror. It's a nice feeling to make strangers smile just driving through the streets doing your daily chores.. Not that I bought it thinking of all this, it's just a pleasant side-effect!! :)

He said he's coming home!! (A short Story!)

So, he says he's coming home! She jumps out of her chair!

Wait! .. Is this for real? She pinches herself! .. Hell yeah! .. He IS coming home! For the first time!

You can see the sparkle is her eyes! And her smile couldn't be any wider! Shivers run through her body! She wants to scream out loud, but she is speechless!!

She starts counting the days... 12 days from now! She runs to the mirror. "Do I look okay?" The skin looks a lil stressed.. maybe a facial will fix it. And hair? She knows he likes curls on her. But she must practice with the curling iron a few days before THE day, because she's never done it on her own before. But she is going to pretend she didnt curl it for him, she will tell him, she would've done it anyway!

Few calls to the parlor for facial appointment, waxing. Nails need some work too.

What should she wear? she runs to her wardrobe.. She doesn't want to let him know she is too excited, so something casual , plus they meet at home, so nothing too flashy! she goes looking for something sexy, but cute! Something that should show, and at the same time hide!

What else? House is such a mess! She goes and buys a dresser for the things lying around that had no home. House should be clean and inviting. He should want to come back again, you know!

She doesn't drink, but she knows he enjoys it. So a bottle wine finds it's way to her house, so does a new set of wine glasses! And yes, a cute little card from hallmark! The card says, "If everytime I thought of you was a snowflake, you wouldn't be able to make it here today!"

She is not much of a singer, but she practices a few lines from this new song that's on her mind lately. Just in case, if the card doesn't do the trick, she should have something else ready as a backup.

He works a lot every day, sleeps tired every night and she knows exactly what he needs. A massage! A calming, soothing massage. So, she buys some "learn to massage" DVDs and watches them every night. She already has massage oil at home, aah, one less thing to worry about!

Days pass by real slow!! Longest 12 days in her life! But she is happy, she is dreaming! When he comes home, she is going to give him a warm hug! Then she will show him around the whole house, her patio, show him her favorite things, smile, talk, laugh, kiss!

She has everyhting planned - which sheets go on bed that day, which pillow covers, which candles to light, what food to eat, what perfume to wear, and the list goes on ..

All that, just cos he is coming home! She doesn't even know how much time he will spend with her. Her guess - 3 hours, max!

All that, just for 3 hours?

Well, it could be just 30 min, who knows!

All that, just for 30 min??

Oh yes, every minute with him means a dream to her. She would do that even if it was just a minute! Yes, I know, she is silly!

Is she in love? If you ask her, she'd laugh and say "No way!" dodging the question and further discussions away! But she knows, what you know.. by now!

Just a day left! She is almost ready! Only the kitchen needs to be organized a little.

Everythign else is perfect!

A messenger window pops up on her screen. It's him! yay!

"So, what time are you coming tomorrow?" she asks.

"I am so damn busy lately, I have zero time for anything. And I really can't afford you being involved with me. I have my work, my family, my life, you know... "

And there is this deep, helpless silence ..

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She wipes a tear drop in her eyes!

"Good!" She says to herself, "So the snow-flakes did work!"

Dear Ajji ..

Ajji, (Grandma)
Is there anything I can do to be able to hug you just one more time?
I never really told you how much I loved you..

When I was busy running around in the house, I could see you watching me from the corner of my eye.. perhaps you wanted me to stop for a little while and sit by you.. tell you sweet little things from my world..
I know it wasn't a whole lot that you wanted..
then why didn't I give it?

When I came back home late with lots of colorful shopping bags in my hand, I could see you waiting for me at the door.. perhaps you wanted me to show you all those things one by one, and ask you to choose what looked best on me..
I know it wasn't a whole lot that you wanted..
then why didn't I give it?

When I came to India just for 3 weeks in a year, you would come and stay with us in our house.. perhaps you wished I could reserve at least a one whole day, just for you ...
I know it wasn't a whole lot that you wanted..
then why didn't I give it?

I still loved you Ajji! .. a lot!
Will you tell me once, that you knew it already?

Did I take you for granted?
I never imagined the possibility of the day when you'll go away.. vanish from my world, just like that!
I thought I can sleep resting my head on your lap, any time I wanted.. all my life!
I never knew that there's only so much of you, that I can have in my life..

I am writing this, hoping you will read it some day.. somehow..
and then kiss me on my cheeks, and say "Majhi Chhakuli!" .. like you always did..
Will you?

Majhi Ajji!My dearest Ajji!

The Ugly Duckling!

A friend sent me this message today as a response to some pictures I uploaded on facebook recently.

" Saylee,You are so beautiful. The pictures don't really
make enough justice. just a friendly praise for you :) "

I get a lot of emails from fans and friends praising me about my looks. I send a humble thank you note back with a smiley face and if these emails don't carry any other significant information or feedback, they usually end up in trash. But this particular email churned my thoughts for some reason, maybe because it was unexpected, but it made me think, took me for a ride into my past!

Have you heard the Marathi song - "एका तळ्यात होती, बदके पिले सुरेख?"

It's about this ugly little duckling which suffers abuse and gets mocked and laughed at by it's friends and neighbors. Poor soul is lonely and cries to itself in sorrow, until one fine morning, when much to it's delight and to the surprise of others, it realizes that it is actually a graceful Swan...

I feel like it's my story!

Growing up, I was always told that I was ugly!! They called me all sorts of names, made fun of me and laughed at my expense! Family, friends and even the people who had nothing to do with me....

... and I cried .. all alone, to myself.. nobody cared enough to notice..

Things changed as time passed.. How? When? I don't know! .. something unfolded on it's own!
Now, the same folks praise me .. perceive me differently.. treat me differently ... world seems like a different place to my same set of eyes..

But can I forget?

Was I really ugly then?

And am I really beautiful now?

I remember when I was a child, no matter what they said, I always believed I was beautiful! I was kind to them even when they hurt me. I helped them even when they laughed at me. There were no calculations, no revenges, no acts and no tacts! I cared.. I loved.. I cried for those who cried ..

I think I was a beautiful child! ..

How much of that purity still remains in my soul? I am not sure about now, but I sure was very very beautiful then!

Ek Yaadi Jakhmoni - Gujrati Ghazals and Geet

I don't understand / speak Gujrati , but I am singing this album of Gujrati Geet and Ghazals called "Ek Yaadi Jakhmoni". To be honest, I was a little nervous at first to try out an unfamiliar language, but not after I sang the first line of my first song!

Really folks, I enjoyed singing these as much as my mother tongue .. Isn't Music a language that any soul can understand?

To listen to the preview clips of songs that I have completed so far, go to http://www.sailee-raje.com/eyj_songs.html

As I go on completing songs in this album, I will be updating the same link with new previews.

And don't forget to let me know which ones you liked .. :)