Pregnant? You can give gift of life to many more kids in addition to the one you are carrying!

If you are pregnant, I would really really encourage you to start this new chapter of your life by doing something noble, beautiful and meaningful. It’s very easy and you have nothing to lose! Inside your miraculous mommy tummy, you are not just carrying your baby - a life to begin, but you are also carrying a gift of life that can potentially be offered to many more kids struggling for life. Your umbilical cord that is usually just trashed!

Your umbilical cord that’s connecting you to the baby carries blood that’s very rich in stem cells. Stem cells are mother cells that have the potential to become any type of cell in the body. One of the main characteristics of stem cells is their ability to self-renew or multiply while maintaining the potential to develop into other types of cells. Stem cells can become cells of the blood, heart, bones, skin, muscles, brain etc. So just imagine the power these cells have! These cells offer the possibility of a renewable source of replacement cells and tissues to treat diseases including leukemia, macular degeneration, spinal cord injury, stroke, burns, heart disease, diabetes, osteoarthritis, and rheumatoid arthritis. Further research is being done to use these for organ transplants, to mend a broken heart etc.

Immediately after giving birth, you can extract this cord blood and store it safely at a cord blood bank. If you do not do this, your cord blood is THROWN AWAY!! Can you believe that? Such powerful, life saver resource, just discarded into trash! If you plan in advance (around your second trimester), you can start the process with your local cord blood bank and they will guide you through the simple process.

There are many private cord blood banks where people pay thousands of dollars to save the cord blood to save their own child’s life in future if needed. In most cases, it goes unused. A better option in my opinion is to donate it to PUBLIC cord blood banks, where stem cells are made available publicly, so any matching person in need could use it. That person could very well be your own kid in future! The good part, it is FREE!! You do not pay anything as you are banking it as a donation!

I came to know about this in the third trimester of my pregnancy. It was hard to find an organization that served my location, my hospital. After many days of research, when I did find a local organization just 3 weeks before my due date, I was told that I was too late and that they are too early in this phase. They had just finished paperwork to be able to collect cord blood. I still persuaded them to help me out and they agreed to do their best. On January 18, 2011, the day Nyssa arrived into this world, we were the first couple to donate cord blood with Joanne Pang Foundation in the bay area. The next day there were TV channels in our hospital room,but the best part was the content feeling I had to know that my cord blood was not wasted, that it was finally safe somewhere waiting to save someone’s life!

So if you are pregnant, please try to find a local PUBLIC cord blood bank or an organization that can help you bank the cord blood with a public bank, and get the ball rolling. The sooner you do this, the better. Please share this knowledge to spread awareness. it’s something so easy to do and yet so incredible!

The organization we used is in the bay area, California is called Joanne Pang Foundation. They directly worked with my hospital to arrange for the cord blood collection and arranged for the blood to be shipped to the public bank in Texas. I just filled in the paperwork and connected them with my doctor. It’s that easy! :)

Their website seems down at the moment, but here’s another online pointer to them http://parentsguidecordblood.org/en...

Contact I used: Helen Roy

Should I let my kid pick her own clothes?

This post is born out of the morning argument I had with my almost 4 year old when she refused to wear the dress I picked for her. It was the same dress she absolutely loved a few months back! And now she hates it. I tried to distract her as I put it on her. She created a havoc over it. I was watching the clock as it was almost time for her school. "I don't want to waste more time changing her all over again into clothes of her choice, we are being late for school!", I told myself and my husband. But the real reason was that my ego wanted her to be the obedient child who happily agreed to every choice I made for her.

"I want to have a daughter, so I can dress her up all I want!" I have heard these from countless number of women all along. It was something I looked forward to when I was pregnant too! And yes, you do get to fulfill all your fantasies dressing up the cute little angel all you want after she arrives. But there comes a time when she doesn't want you to dress her up. She now has opinions of her own, choices of her own, a mind of her own! I believe I am not the only mom who has hard time accepting this.

My little girl went to school in the next best choice of clothes that "I" made for her. Soon after the clothing incident everything seemed to go wrong. She had become fussy about everything around her and got yelled at due to other things that followed such as almost spilling the milk and not cooperating while I did her hair. She forgot to carry her Monday class project with her. She went to school crying! I knew all of these were just the repercussions of the clothing incident.

5 hours later, her sad little face was still flashing in front of my eyes. Yes, I got what I want. She went to school in the clothes I picked for her. But was it all worth it? What kind of a day she might be having in school? Is it better to rest my ego and let her be the way she wants to be? Is that good for her or is it better she doesn't spend time worrying about how she looks at this young age?

I knew in my heart what was the right thing to do. That's because for a brief moment during my argument with my daughter I had felt I was exactly doing what my mom did 30 years ago. I tried to ignore it but it kept pricking me inside. My mom always picked an outfit for me till I was in my early teens. Most of the times I never questioned her even when I was not happy with what I wore. I did not want to get in trouble. When I was a little kid, most of my friends wore the dresses with sleeves. My mother preferred to put me in sleeveless dresses. She might have thought it was cute and modern but I always thought I did not fit in. When I moved to high school, she once custom stitched a beautiful white dress with red flowers for me that had a moderately low neck. Every time I wore it, I got bullied at school by older girls. I refused to wear it. My mom got angry every time I refused and forced me to wear it saying she has spent a lot of money for it. One day I broke down. I started crying and told her about how I was getting bullied at school because of it. She never sent me to school in that dress after that. I wonder why it took me so long to tell her that I was being bullied. Perhaps I thought she would not believe me or go to another extreme and launch complaint against my bullies in school and that would have landed me in more trouble. None of those happened.

But it made me realize that sometimes children may not be able to explain the real motivator behind the choices they make. Many times they know what they want but cannot explain why. It might be better at times to trust their instinct even when you don't understand them.

I revisited the morning incident in my thoughts. My daughter kept saying she doesn't like that dress. After about 10 minutes I thought of asking her why. She said, "because none of my friends like it!" I had ignored that little piece of information. What do 4-year-olds know about fashion? But what I thought was trivial, was a big deal for her. It was HER body. They were HER friends. SHE was going to spend next 8 hours with them. It was HER life. She wanted her friends to like the way she dressed. What's wrong with that? All humans crave for acceptance. Don't we? We need to make sure that we are dressed appropriately for the occasion. We want to follow the dress code. We want to fit in. What's wrong if a 4-year old wants to fit in too?

Photo credit: Craigslistdad @ wordpress
De-clutter, Organize & Repurpose

Moreover, clothing is more than just a way to fit in. Clothing shows our personality. Clothing is our expression. The way we dress up shows how we are feeling that day. Every morning I choose an outfit that suits my mood. Sometimes I want to wear skinny dress and sometimes I want to just disappear in the loose comfortable pajamas. How mad will I get if someone forces me to wear tight jeans when I want to wear a light flowing skirt instead? The way we dress up has a lot to do with the way we show up that day.When we feel comfortable in what we wear, we are not distracted during the day. We can focus better. We are happier.

I researched more. I learned that allowing kids to make their own choices helps them be independent . It helps build their self-confidence. It might happen that they will make a fool out of themselves at times, but they'll learn from it. They will learn to take responsibility of their actions. And hey! They won't be able to blame you for the clothes they feel embarrassed at after they grow up! :)

The plan going forward:
What do I do with the closet full of clothes I already have for her? I am going to sit with her and sort her closet to completely discard/donate/sell the clothes she hates and only keep the ones she likes. While she is little, in the mornings I will make a few suggestions based on the weather and the physical activity she will be doing that day and then let her choose for herself.
I will let her choose her clothes when we go shopping. Even when I shop online, I will make sure she is sitting next to me picking the clothes before I hit the "confirm order" button. So everything we get is of her choice. I won't be able to resist making suggestions, I know, but she will have the final word.
After a few years, I might even give her a fixed amount of money and ask her to buy clothes for herself that fit the budget. I remember going crazy shopping the first time I got the freedom to buy things for myself after I started earning. I regretted later for the amount of money I wasted on things I didn't really need. Perhaps allowing her to spend within a fixed budget from early on will teach her a thing or two about managing money.

And for the little bit of my ego, that is still trying to poke at me, I am asking these 2 questions!
1. What's the worse that will happen if she picks her own clothes?
- There will be some clothes in her closet that will stay unused forever.
2. What's the worse that will happen if  I pick her clothes against her wishes?
- Discomfort, Distracted mind, Low Confidence, Chance of being bullied, Unhappiness.
The answer is bright and clear! I decide to rest my ego for my child's happiness!

Listen to your own Voice, Everything else is background noise.

People in a state of confusion tend to ask more and more people for their advice. Even if they don't ask, as soon as other people sense the confusion, they feel compelled to give advice.

For all the people advising one way, there will be enough number of people advising you the other way. So the more you ask, the more confused you become! In all that chaos, you forget that there is a voice inside of you that desperately wants you guide you! 

Listen to your own Voice, Everything else is background noise.

Imagine slowly tuning your mind radio out of that background noise of what everybody else is saying and what you've been hearing from all around you. Tune in to your inner voice. If you don't hear anything, stay there. Stay till you hear it, Stay! For that voice is the only one that will set you free!

So they chose someone else over you! ... A self help blog

So they chose someone else over you!

Your long-awaited promotion went to your colleague instead!  Your crush chose someone else! Your potential client chose someone else’s services over yours! Someone else got the award instead of you!

One of the hardest thing to digest! isn't it?

This blog will give you some tools and techniques to get over it and feel at peace again!

Pain seems more painful when we resist it instead of allowing it through.

Stop. Breathe... And pause for a moment. Let's try to figure what's really happening inside of you. Notice that feeling of discomfort in your body. Where do you feel it? How and where is it flowing? Notice your feelings.. what emotion are you feeling? Is it envy? Guilt? Disappointment? Chaos? Anxiety? Worry? Perhaps it’s more that one emotion or perhaps you don’t even know what it is. It’s okay!

Ask yourself, what if I just allowed myself to feel what I am feeling instead of resisting it? It’s okay to feel jealous, it’s okay to feel sad, it is okay to be disappointed once in a while. It’s okay to feel what I am feeling now. It’s really okay! Why am I being so hard on myself? What if I give myself a break from my pursuit of eternal happiness and just rest in this feeling for a little bit?

What is life all about? Is it just about being happy all the time? What will happen if we are happy all the time? The way we experience happiness now will be so much more diluted! That’s when we’ll realize life was never meant to be about experiencing just the happiness. Each of us is entitled to experience the full spectrum of emotions - happiness, sorrow, jealousy, pride, anxiety, joy, guilt, gratitude, worry, safety, love, anger, the list goes on.  I like to tell myself that life is an experience to be lived fully. I am entitled to experience the entire spectrum of emotions in this life. This is my story and I will live each chapter in my story with absolute passion and acceptance.

After you allow yourself to pause and feel, move on to reflecting on what really happened.

One reason we feel worse than we should is because - We label it as Rejection! We take it personally. Ask yourself Was their action really “A rejection of me” or “Acceptance of someone else”?

More often than not you’ll find that it is them accepting someone else and not really rejecting you. Acceptance of one thing doesn't necessarily mean rejection of the other. It’s JUST acceptance of something and should be perceived as nothing else. Their viewpoint might be “I like him/her, perhaps a tad bit more than you.”. The way you perceive it is “You are useless. I don’t like you.”

We are so ruthless to ourselves. We allow ourselves to believe the most negative judgement of ourselves without even giving a benefit of doubt to other possible interpretations of the same situation. Perhaps the other person did work harder than you, perhaps there were other personal reasons for other parties that you were not aware of, perhaps they perceived you as overqualified, perhaps they thought you are too busy for what they need, perhaps the other person needed it more than you, it could have been anything. We cannot change what happened in the past, but when we do have a choice to interpret the situation with a range of possibilities, why do we always let ourselves believe the one that is most harmful for the peace of our mind? If you must conclude the chapter with some interpretation/thought to hold on to, why not choose the one that supports you, helps you move on sooner?  Dump all the “I am useless” thoughts, they are really not worth your time and energy, and most importantly they are not true!

There is an even better way to feel more accepted and powerful. For once, think of the people who have accepted and celebrated you in various parts of life! Remember the look in their eyes? Was it anything less than real? Think of those situations, re-live those moments! What did they see in you? What they saw still exists within you. People may take away your job, your awards, your clients, but they cannot tamper with the very strengths of you! You own your unique strengths, your unique gifts and values and they will be the reason you will succeed in your life ahead!

Often it seems even more painful when you know the person they finally chose. But maybe you can use this extra information to get over it sooner. What do you know about them that will allow you to extend a little bit of love towards them regardless of what happened? For e.g. you might be able to reason out why the other person needed it more than you? Or they were meant to have more significant impact on the life of the person who chose them? Any quality of theirs that you truly admire? This might be a hard one to implement at this time, but if you could just allow yourself to try it, you’ll feel a dramatic shift in your temperament that very moment. This technique never fails, all you need to do is to allow your heart to expand just a little.

Turn the energy drain into energy fountain! Physics tells us that  energy can never be created nor be destroyed, just transformed from one form into another. If we cannot get rid of the negative energy just transform it to positive energy. Think about how you can do that. Many people use their negative experiences to motivate them to perform even better next time. Can you take this as a challenge? Convert that draining pull to motivational push! How else can you convert your energy? Can you use your energy to do something for someone less fortunate than you? Such an act helps you step out of your "me" zone and experience your connection to the world outside. It can make our worries feel small. Think! Ask yourself what can I do with this negative energy? You might surprise yourself with what you come up with.

If you are feeling motivated to do even better next time, perhaps this boost in your motivation was the reason this happened in your life in the first place? Think big picture, think about the significance of this incident in your life.Your life doesn't end here. This is just a tiny chapter of your life. Let this be a lesson and nothing more. What lesson can you take from this experience to navigate through your life ahead? What can you hold on to? What can you let go of?

Instead of dwelling in the past and sobbing about it, let’s focus on the power of NOW to create a better tomorrow!

My life purpose statement

I tried creating my life purpose statement using Jack Canfield's "The Success Principles" today. And here it is:

"My purpose is to use my creativity and compassion to empower and support others to figure their true purpose, connect with their consciousness thus leading to the creation of a world where everyone is living in harmony, love and peace." -Sailee

Tips #1, #2, #3 for Boosting Self-Confidence

A client came to me wanting to improve her self-confidence. After our first introductory discussion, she asked me what my charges were. I do not always do this but I thoughtfully gave her a sliding scale price range and asked her to pick any rate from that range. She looked very confused and overwhelmed. Unable to make a decision, she asked me to decide a rate for her. I refused with a smile and said this is your first self-confidence lesson: When you have an opportunity to make a choice, make it!

Often in our day-to-day life we need to make a number of choices. Deciding a place to dine, choosing an outfit with your shopping buddy, ordering for two in the restaurant, deciding which movie to go to, picking a day for a meetup.. often you might have people asking you to suggest an option. A lot of times even if we have a something in mind we tend to not say it in order to be polite. We throw the ball back in their court saying "Anything is fine, really!" We think we are actually giving them the privilege of choosing by being nice and polite.What's really happening is you are not helping them in any way, just bringing them back to where they started. Now the pressure is on them to choose something for you even if you may not like it. What would really make things easier is to just choose something and move on! Then you have more time to actually have fun doing what you do than figuring out what to do. But more importantly, you get a opportunity to let your inner personality surface. You get to define yourself in front of the world. Even though these might seem like trivial decisions, practicing taking a stand whenever you can that resonates with you makes you comfortable with your own choices; And that is the key step towards being confident: being comfortable with yourself. So when you have an opportunity to make a choice, make it! Don't worry about if others will agree with it or not. When they ask you for your input, they expect a reply. Replying is a nicer thing to do than throwing the question back at them. Even if you don't have a particular choice in mind, think a little and come up with something. Be assertive. Be yourself. Make a choice that shows who you are!

Look people in the eye! Imagine you are walking down the hallway and someone is walking towards you from the opposite side. You have noticed them but you still pretend to look at your cellphone or to your left or right to avoid eye contact. You only look at them with a half smile, half nod and a half hello when they come really close to you. At times, you pretend to not have noticed them at all! Does this seem familiar? Why do people do that? This happens not because you don't want to look at them, but because you don't want to look at yourself through their eyes! Would it be too friendly if I smiled at them? What if I run out words talking to them? What if I say something silly? These thoughts say nothing about them, but about you judging yourself. We think everything in this world is about us. It is not! 

On my morning walk, I noticed a scary looking man with a hoodie, walking in my direction with an uneasy walk, much like a drunk. A thought crossed my mind, Should I change my way before we cross? There was still some time for me to change my direction and go left before we crossed each other. But immediately a voice in my head said, "No, keep walking. Smile and say hello to him when you get closer to him. Face your fear in the face." I continued my walk, and when we got closer, I looked him in the eye and said hello. When I saw him closely, I figured he was not drunk. He was actually limping which made it look like he had no control over his legs. He did not look scary. There was rather a tinge of sadness in his eyes. At the same time he had a great spirit to start the day with a walk even though he limped. When I smiled at him, he was a little awkward, as if I was doing something out of the ordinary. But hey, all the morning walkers smile at each other. Why is he feeling I am doing something different? .. Maybe nobody smiles at him? may be he has seen enough people changing their way before passing by him? maybe he is going through a lot in his life? Who knows! In that brief moment, I appreciated everything about him. Even though he limped, he had eyes that carried a thousand emotions. He had a story I did not really know, but whatever it was, it sure was much beautiful than the initial story I was about to tell myself which went somewhat like... he was coming towards me to mug me or say something rude. When we avoid eye contact with people, we are judging them and/or ourselves, creating a story in our mind that is often far from the truth. It is much beautiful and real when we look people in the eye with curiosity, free of any judgments.

Just when I decided to look at him for who he is, I realized it is not all about myself. When we are low in confidence, we think everything is about us and world is waiting to get back at us, attack us or laugh at us when we make a mistake. That is so not the case. Remind yourself, “Everything is not about me!” It is about them too and more importantly, about you and them together. When you are with people, look at them for who they are. Appreciate what’s wonderful about them. Do not keep looking back at yourself through their eyes. Because, first, you cannot do it anyway. What you imagine they are thinking about you and what they are really thinking can be far apart. They may not even be thinking anything of you. Second, does it really matter what they think of you? Why are you letting that matter to you? Would you change yourself for every person you meet or rather just be who you are and love yourself for that?

So here are my first 3 tips for improving self confidence:
1. When you have an opportunity to make a choice, make it!
2. Look people in the eye. (with curiosity and no judgments)
3. Remind yourself “Everything is not about me!” (expand your horizons to include others, move the attention from yourself to others to appreciate the good in them)

More tips to come.. Stay tuned..

Knowing vs. Being

We all know! Yet, it seems so hard to be!

How strange is that!

We all know that exercise, healthy food, meditation, mindfulness is good for us, living in alignment with our values and integrity bring us peace and keeping calm in the stressful situations gives us better control of the situation and so on. But still, often we give up when it is time to actually act, to actually be! How strange is that!

I met a gentleman yesterday who has been in spiritual practice for more than 15 years, has read a lot of books and seen a lot of seminars on how to live a positive life. During our long discussion he referred to many authors, speakers, books and other references asking me if I knew about them. 

"Have you heard about this concept about positive affirmations?", "Do you know this author?", "Have you listened to this incredible guy/lady?" .....

 Honestly, most of the times I had no clue about these people or the names they gave to these practices. But I already knew all the principles they all were trying to teach! Every time he spoke about a concept, I knew it already (minus its official name he referred to) because I figured I was actually practicing it in my life. I was living it! He was surprised to see how much I knew without being exposed to all this information out there. He was curious to know if I got it from my parents or some organization or if I followed any guru. I said "No, I don't really follow one particular person or organization that has taught me all this. I just follow my instinct. I know it because it came to me. When you really want to live your life in a particular manner, universe offers all the resources you need to get there!"

In my personal opinion you do not need to study a whole lot of things in order to integrate the right things into your life. It is not necessary to read a hundred books or listen to a hundred speeches to know what is right for us. We already know! The truth is and has always been inside of us. The incredible speakers, the gurus and the books are just another medium to make us aware of it all over again. If you are not willing from within to bring a change, it won't matter how much information you read. Whatever you thought you learned will wear off in short time. However, if you truly desire something from your heart, things automatically happen for you.. knowledge comes to you.. you find the right things because you look for right things! 

The most important thing is,  to "want" to be. The link between knowing and being is "wanting". It is only when you want to be, that you actually can be! Knowing won't do anything unless you accept it with all your mind and body. We are like cups. If the cup is upside down, it won't be able to contain anything no matter how much water you pour on it. On the other hand, when it is sitting upright the way it supposed to be it will fill quickly. 

How many of us like/share/appreciate all the beautiful quotes we come across? We appreciate the wisdom in them because it connects with our core. But soon after that we forget about it. We "choose" to forget about it. It is because we fail to really "want" to invite it into our life. 

Pick 5 quotes that you truly connect with and work on truly making them a part of your life. Live them! Be them! Start with one. Just living one principle will be enough to transform your life! Try it!

Open yourself to solutions instead of focusing on problems. You always find what you look for! If you want anything in your life to change, you should first truly "want" that change! That will guide you to BE that change.